Warrior Babes
Buffy's Diary

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1997
 
Entry One
 
Dear Diary
 
I decided to get this diary because I can't say any of this to anyone and be considered sane that is. I'd be locked up again for sure. It all started that day at Hemery where it was just a typical day with me and my friends. I was talking about Tyler who I wanted to go to the dance with but destiny stepped in and turned my life upside down. I was waiting for Tyler when this man came up to me and it all changed. At first I thought he might have been from Bullocks but he wasn't. He started talking about my destiny and vampires of all things. I at first thought he was an escaped mental patient until I saw a vampire with my own two eyes and even then I didn't totally believe it. It was unbelievable that a piece of pointy wood through the heart would turn what looked like a person into a pile of dust. This guy isn't a nutjob after all since therre are vampires and I did start slaying them. I am a Vampire Slayer! Me Buffy Summers a Vampire Slayer! I still can't believe it although I do since too much has happened to have me live in Denialville. It is so strange to write that down even though I've being doing this for a while. So much has happened and me and Mom are now in a town called Sunnydale. I can't help but feel that I am a big part of the reason that my parents split up. Instead of ending up with a normal daughter they get stuck with me the girl who bruned down the gym and got expelled. I'm going to take advantage of being in a new place so I plan on being a normal girl instead of a Slayer and a total freak.Besides this is such a rinky dink town so it should be pretty quiet so I shouldn't have to go into Slay mode. Hey if I see a vampire I'll stake it but no going out to cemetaries for me. I can be a normal kid just like everyone else. Sure I'm really sorry about Merrick's death but I need to seize the day and start with a clean slate. No more getting kicked out of school and I'll even work on raising my grades. God did I just say that? Well tomorrow's my first day and color me stunned but in a strange way I'm looking forward to it. So the weirdness continues and abounds in my brain. A nice, new, and normal life awaits me this brank spanking new place.
 
Entry Two
 
I couldn't even have one normal day of school. Just wonderful I go to the library for a lousy book and get one of the. Why couldn't they just leave me alone? Vampires on campus I certainly didn't expect that. I just wanted to have a noraml day but no I get the Brit guy. I guess I'll go to that club Cordelia told me about. It's called the Bronze. What a strange name but I'm going since it's the place to be. Now I need to figure out what to wear. I used to be go good at accessorizing but I've gotten out of practice. I think I'll wear my hair up. Well that's one thing taken care of. Now I'm off to the closet to search for the perfect outfit. 
 
Entry Three
 
Dear Diary
 
Great I get grounded and I'm not even through my first week. It's a good thing that I am good at sneaking out. I was able to stop the Harvest. It's too bad about Jesse but that's part of the job people unfortunately die but I am lucky to have two new friends. It is kind of nice to have people that know what's going on. But I don't want to endanger them. So it's a small group that knows the truth about this town. How can people not notice? I guess they don't want to see what's right there under their nose. I guess people turn a blind eye to what they don't want to see in the hopes that it will go agway. Unfortunately that doesn't work well since I can't turn my back on this slaying gig. That vessel guy wasn't too bright since I fooled him so easily by breaking the window. It's odd but that symbol that was on his forehead looked like that badge thing they wear on Star Trek their communication badge or whatever it is. Well I know that annoying yet gorgeous guy's name now it's Angel. It's quite fitting actually. He is a mystery to me just showing up with his cryptic talk.
 
Entry Four
 
I decided to try out for cheerleading but in typical Hellmouth fashion things didn't go quite as planned. I wanted to do something safe and normal. Instead one of the girl's trying out bursts into flames. Hello to the bizareness! That was major freaky to have Cordelia go all blind and that girl in class whose mouth just disappeared. That was way disturbing. It wasn't much fun to have the whammy put on me too. Well at least Amy's psycho mom has gone though I wonder where she is now. Poor Amy getting switched with her mom not to mention having that woman as her mother. I actually got lucky in the Mom department. It's funny how cheerleading which was at one time such a big deal is not so much anymore. It's too hairy for me. Besides it would require spending way too much time with Cordelia.
 
Entry Five
 
Dear Diary
 
Just another week in the life of a Slayer. The one teacher that actually likes me and that I like winds up dead not to mention headless. Oh the fun of giant bug ladies. That Angel guy is as cryptic as ever but he did give me a cool jacket. Well I must admit that I was a little surprised about Xander but I think it's nice. I came through with the knowledge to get rid of her buginess. I will never figure out what the deal is with Angel since he always disappears. He is not one for chit chat. So even vampries get scared since Fork Guy didn't like bug lady. That is something you don't see every day not to mention that full on exorcist she did with her head. Well on the bright side I was able to save Xander. I really don't like bugs especially the really big ones.
 
Entry Six
 
Dear Diary
 
How fun being rated on my staking technique by Mr. Tweed. That Owen is such a cutie. Wow I can't believe that he wondered what I was like. That Cordelia is such a pain. Yaye Owen asked if I was going to the Bronze and in front of Cordelia too. Cute guy asks me out and Giles starts going doom and gloom. It's so not fair so once again another night spent in the graveyard. I even checked out that Emily book to impress him. I was even thinking of looking through it. It couldn't have hurt and it's not like I'm all anti poetry or something.
 
Entry Seven
 
Dear Diary
 
I go to the Bronze since it was dead at the cemetary and Cordelia was all over Owen like a cheap suit. Yaye he asked me out and gave me his pocket watch. The best part is that he chose me over Cordelia. So the boy obviously has good taste since that Cordelia is such a snob not to mention a bit on the bitchy side. I wonder if tonight will go better than last night. What's a girl got to do to have a date around here. Prophecies are such a pain not to mention the Watchers that find them.
 
Entry Eight
 
Dear Diary
 
Big shocker my maiden voyage into datedom didn't go off without a hitch. Giles comes over just before Owen comes and he kept going on and on about the prophecy. At least I had some Owen time although I kept checking my beeper. Could Cordelia be more pathetic? I even got a vist from mysterious Angel. At least I got rid of that Anointed guy so there's one less thing for Giles to fuss over. As far as dates go it didn't end up well since he nearly ended up dead. Owen's a cutie but I don't need some guy that's looking for danger. This so sucks but I don't want to have this guy end up dead so I just told him I wanted to be friends. It works every time but I didn't want to do it.
 
Entry Nine
 
Dear Diary
 
Xander is so not acting like himself. He even scared the cute little pig. The pig totally wigged when he walked by. Something is seriously wrong with the guy. I think he's possessed with something since this isn't the lovable bud of mine. He really nailed Willow with the ball and he's all chummy with the winged monkeys. I don't like this new mean Xander Harris. I want my friend back the one that doesn't hurt Willow. That was beyond cruel what he said to her. I'm going to ask Giles about this since something is wrong. I just know it.
 
Entry Ten
 
Dear Diary
 
Poor Herbert got eaten by the Drone  patrol. At least Xander didn't eat Principal Flutie along with the others. That is so gross and the thought makes my stomach turn. That was not my idea of fun but score for the Slayer for knowing that something was wrong. I can come through with the knowledge when I need to. I can't believe they ate him. Can you say yuck? Only on the Hellmouth I suppose. On the bright side Xander is back to normal. No wonder Noah rejected Hyennas after having seen them in action. They are so at the bottom of the food chain.
 
Entry Eleven
 
Dear Diary
 
It's not a good idea to start falling for such a cryptic guy that turns up and disappears just as quickly. But wow what a chest! I can't be having this thoughts especially now that I know the truth about him. Gosh a vampire and me having fuzzy feelings about him instead of doing the slaying thing. Having a soul and the fact that he didn't attack my Mom but even before I knew the truth I hestitated in killing him. Maybe a part of me knew since he had ample chances to bit me and didn't. This is so bizarre! What can't I just fall for a nice normal guy with a heartbeat? But no I fall for the hot guy sporting the fangs.
 
Entry Twelve
 
Dear Diary
 
I'm really curious about this guy that has Willow all hot and bothered. Xander may have a point since Willow has not been very Willowy. It's not like her to blow off classes. I wonder who this guy is and what he is. Dave reacted really weird when I asked him to help me out but no luck there and at first I thought that he might be Malcom. But he wasn't acting the right way since there was something off about him. I've decided to tail him since he is up to something. My spider sense is tingling.
 
Entry Thirteen
 
Dear Diary
 
Dave sets me up to get fried but gets cold feet and warns me just barely in time. There goes another pair of boots. Well there was a lesson to be learned from this whole Molloch thing. Be careful of what you scan into your computer especially if it's in a weird language. Poor Willow meets a guy that turns out to be a demon. This place is so not good for a person's social life. At least Willow's safe now but too bad the same can't be said about Dave. Trying to date while living on the Hellmouth  will always be quite the challenge.
 
Entry Fourteen
 
Dear Diary
 
Dummies give me the wig but that whole thing with Sid made me less so I suppose. Oh who am I kidding not really. It must have been rough to be cursed that way. Well now he's free so no more horny dummy. I'm still not all that crazy about dummies. I know for a fact that I don't want to do the Talentless show again. I really don't like that new principal. I miss Mr Flutie. He was an ok guy and not a psycho like this new guy is turning out to be. He's a little toad this Synder guy. I'm guessing he doesn't date much. What woman would want to go out with him? Brain stay away from that scary thought.
 
Entry Fifteen
 
Dear Diary
 
Great the Hellmouth strikes again. Having nightmares turn into reality is so not my idea of having a fun time. That was beyond creepy with me becoming a vamp and put into my very own grave. I'm just so glad that everything is back to normal well by Sunnydale standards anyway. I'm just so glad that it wasn't really my Dad saying all those horrible things. Next time I want it to be good dreams that come true since that would be more fun. A certain gorgeous guy could get defanged so we could perhaps oh Buffy stop it this instand. Yes Angel is drop dead gorgeous but there's the vamp thing now to mention the 200 plus age difference. I never thought I'd get hot for one of the fang gang. Well he does have a soul. Well Dad's calling me to dinner so later diary of mine.
 
Entry Sixteen
 
Dear Diary
 
So the invisible attacker strikes again. First Mitch and now Harmony. Although I'm sure there are a few people around her that might feel like pushing her down a flight of stairs. Well it's a girl that's invisible since I heard her laughing and I bumped into her so she isn't a ghost. Oh fun I'll be on Cordelia watch since both attacks have her in common. I wouldn't mind running for May Queen but a Slayer's work is never done.
 
Entry Seventeen
 
Dear Diary
 
Well being invisible isn't all it's cracked up to be. It's sad that this girl was turned invisible thanks to the Hellmouth and the people of Sunnydale High but in particular Cordelia. The girl wen't totally pyscho. I felt sorry for her but she went totally insane. I wonder if those creepy guys can help Marcy reappear and help her so she can someday have a normal life. Oh great I think I'm getting a zit.
 
Entry Eighteen
 
Dear Diary
 
Talk about intense. First I find out about a prophecy regarding my death just after having blood run from the faucet in the girl's bathroom. Well I did die but Xander brought me back. I'm so glad that I'm spending the summer with my Dad. I just don't want to think about this stuff. Well my dress was a big hit with everyone. No more school or thoughts of a serious nature for the next few months. I think I'm going to do something new with my hair.

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1997-1998
 
Entry One
 
Dear Diary
 
Well I had a brief stin where I was channeling Cordy with the bitch tude. Can I be a bigger moron? It's not a good sign when the Queen Bitch comes up to me to give advice. That isn't an experience I wat to go through again. Xander's right Angel should get a bell since he's so quiet. What was I thinking when I challenged Angel to kick my ass. I think that smashing the Master's bones into dust was quite cathartic. I don't think I'll be plauged with those nightmares anymore. I'm just glad the gang is safe and sound although it didn't help my having a major case of stupidity. All is forgiven and I am so lucky to have Willow and Xander. I don't know what I'd do without those two.
 
Entry Two
 
Dear Diary
 
I know Angel was jealous even thought he wouldn't admit it. Talk about a mood breaker falling into a grave. Another fun filled night in the cemetary. So a girl was dragged from a grave no vamp this time which is nice for a change sort of. Why would someone dig up a dead girl. This is highly disturbing. This is Giles territory so I'll fill in in tomorrow at school. Behold the weirdness of my love life. He can deny it all he wants but I know he was jealous of that dance I did with Xander. That dance is sure to haunt me for a while. Well I'm beat som I'm going to see if I can get some sleep and maybe one of those fantabulous dreams about you know who.
 
Entry Three
 
Dear Diary
 
Great the ghoul duo tried to make a girl made out of body parts of dead girls and Cordy was going to be the head. There is a pattern here that Cordy is always at the center of psycho humans. What does that say about her? Gee could she cling any tighter to Angel. Doesn't she know that Angel is a vampire and mine. How freaky that Chris brought back his brother from the dead. No wonder the poor guy had to hide since he looked like a baseball with all that stiching. Behold the power of the brain. Sure knowledge may be power but there are just some things you shouldn't mess with. Making a dead girlfriend for your dead brother is a bad thing big time. At least Chris realized that it was wrong to play Frankenstein not to mention being God. It's Eric that's a flaming psycho and needs a long stint in the nuthouse. It's for the best that Daryle went back to the grave where he bleongs. May Eric have fun in the psych ward. Poor Chris but he did the right thing. Well as Willow says love makes you do the wacky. Ah ha he finally admitted it so I am vindicated.
 
Entry Four
 
Dear Diary
 
His Ratness sentenced me to decorating the school for Parent/Teacher night. He really needs a hobby since he's having way too much fun torturing me. I'm not as bad as that Shelia now that girl is serious trouble. I'm the Slayer so a certain amount of fighting is to be expected so what's her excuse. Oh great Giles and yet another prophecy. Well tonight I'll go to the Bronze and maybe Angel will show up. This girl deserves a break after all that banner making.
 
Entry Five
 
Dear Diary
 
Well things didn't go as planned. Rat boy caught up to Mom and it was so close since Willow had already taken her to all of my classes while I was playing hostess. He wasn't singing my praises but it turned out not so bad. I wasn't grounded which is a good. Sure a bunch of vamps showing up wasn't on the menu but Mom did impress me. That Spike guy is pretty tough. I will never forget Mom picking up that axe and telling Spike to get the hell away from her daughter. That was pretty cool and gutsy considering she has no idea that this small town is crawling with vampires and that her daughter is the Slayer.
 
Entry Six
 
Dear Diary
 
I don't like the idea of some stranger coming to my house. I'm going to go insane. Why did my Mom sign up for this student exchange thing anyway? Well the field trip tomorrow means no classes which is a plus to my suffering. Oh goodie I get to pick up this guy from the bus station. That should be tons of fun. I'm bed bound to have hopefully happy dreams. I think I'll see if I can go to the dance. I'm sure I can talk Giles into saying yes.
 
Entry Seven
 
Dear Diary
 
Well Ampata turned out to be a girl. I'm not very thrilled about sharing a room but I'll make the best of it. Xander certainly likes her since he was making googlie eyes at her. That was so weird how that guy bolted when he saw Mummy Rodney. Yikes having the life sucked out of you so you wind up as a dry husk has to be a horrible way to die. Maybe Ampata will come in handy with translating that plate thing.
 
Entry Eight
 
Dear Diary
 
Xander has a terrible track record when it comes to girls. A crush on a giant bug and now a mummy girl. Poor Willow and she is such a great girl and she wants him and isn't a bug or a mummy but it's a similar sitch between me and him as it is between him and her. Whoa I think that was a sentence well the intent was a sentence anyway. She'll find a guy I just know it unless all the guys are totally stupid. He's out there somewhere she jush has to put her self out there. Although not like she did that one time she hooked up with a vampire. It should be in daylight with many people around. I'm just glad that mummy girl didn't turn Xander into a mummy. It's not a good look for him. In a way I feel bad for her because she had to give up her life and never had a chance to have a normal life. Sound a little familiar you betcha! Of course that doesn't mean you can go around killing people.
 
Entry Nine
 
Dear Diary
 
That was a nice change of pace to hang out with my buds and watch movies in Hindu. Things have been quiet so it's been nice to have a break. What a dream I had about Angel. Wow! I'm insane I can't have a relationship with a vampire. I just can't stop thinking about him. I'm breakfast bound. I think I'll have a bagel with a touch of cream cheese. I feel like living on the edge.
 
Entry Ten
 
Dear Diary
 
What was I thinking when I agreed to go to that frat party? Tom seemed nice and I deserve to have some fun but with Cordy of all people. Cordelia and that luagh and her really listening. Call me crazy but listening actually requires the person to actually listen to what the other person is saying. Not exactly Cordy's strong suit but a part of me wishes I could be more like Cordy. Did I just say that? Well I just mean that I wish I could be more carefree and not have to worry about saving the world. I better go get ready. Forget about Cordy's rules I want to wear that cute black dress I got last weekend.
 
Entry Eleven
 
Dear Diary
 
Not exactly what I expectred from a frat party but at the same time not totally unexpected. Yeah getting drugged and chained to the wall in order to be sacrificed to some snake demon yeah that's a Buffy party. Wormy is sliced and diced now and the bad guys are behind bars. Only stupid guys would have a pyscho frat like this sacrificing girls to some demon. Once again Cordelia goes to Angel and thanks him when I'm the one that killed the demon.
Entry Twelve
 
Dear Diary
 
Halloween's coming and his ratness forces us to volunteer to take out a group of kids trick or treating. Doesn't he know the meaning of the word? He needs a dictionary and a personality. The one night when vamps stay in and I have to get dressed up. That little man is such a troll. I was looking forward to a night of vegging. So much for a date with Angel. As usual Cordelia was lurking around.  I come in all strawy and there she is perfectly dressed and accessoriezed. Willow was genius in suggesting we look through the Watcher's Diaries. Since he's not much for the sharing thing., Give the girl a clue she didn't believe me when I told her that Angel's a vampire. Will even backed me up but Cordy didn't believe us. Is there a brain in there or has it atrophied from lack of use? On the plus side I got this really killer dress for Halloween. I'll be a princess all dressed up like the girls did when Angel was alive.
 
Entry Thirteen
 
Dear Diary
 
So much for Halloween being dead. Will had a good point about dressing up as Xena since it would have come in handy when we became our costumes. That would have been cool to have that round frisbee thing to throw around. Instead I was a 18th century girl and totally helpless. Angel didn't even like the girl's back then so my effort was wasted on him. He likes little ole 20th century me. Well that's good to know. Another encounter with Spike but still no stake. I would have loved to see Giles face when he saw Will walk through the wall. It would be a cool power to have though.
 
Entry Fourteen
 
Dear Diary
 
I wonder who that girl was that was with Angel last night. She was pretty but I don't think she was a vampire since they looked pretty friendly. He's not one to hang out with other vamps. Wow my old crush Ford has transferred. Cool he'll be at the Bronze tonight. It'll be great to catch up withhim. If I see Angel I'm going to be subtle and try to find out who that girl was. I better go get ready.
 
Entry Fifteen
 
Dear Diary
 
Oh great someone else knows my little secret. Actually it's kind of a relief since it wouldn't be fun hiding my secret identity from Ford of all people. He was so cool about it. I'm not going to be obsessive about Angel lying to me. I wonder why he lied to me but I am not going to wonder anymore. Besides's Ford's in town to stay and he's cuter than ever. So the girl with Angel is a vamp. So much for Ford staking that vamp since someone that looked exactly like the one that Ford claimed to dusted stole a book from the library. Can't a vampire get a library card like everyone else. I wonder what is going on with that book stealing and where does Ford fit in.
 
Later that same night
 
Angel came over and I confronted him about Dru and made him tell me the truth. It wasn't pretty but what else could I expect when that was his bad ass days. He was a different person back than but it's a lot to absorb. I certainly wouldn't want to face him how he was back in the day since it sounds pretty scary. So Ford's into vampires in a culty type of way. I wonder what he wants.
 
Entry Sixteen
 
Dear Diary
 
That guy had such a dorky outfit. Well he's an alive dork. I can't believe that Ford did this it's not the same guy that I once knew. A brain tumor? That doesn't give him the right to offer up those people and me as food so he can become a vampire. Like Spike would have kept his word. Vampires aren't exactly known for doing that. I guess when you're desperate you are driven to do things you would normally never do. At least I hope that's the case. Well he's gone and I will miss him but when I think back on him it will be before his trip to Sunnydale back when he was an actual good guy. It is so sad though.
 
Entry Seventeen
 
Dear Diary
 
How weird to see Giles drunk. I guess we all have our secrets. But Giles the guy of tweed messing with the bad mojo. That Ethan guy is a spineless coward. Wold that Giles was a rebel in his younger days. I never would have thought that Mr Tweed Watcher guy was always the way he is now. Dam it I really wanted those shoes on sale but I need to remove that dam tattoo before Mom sees it. I really don't like that guy. He should have to pay for getting rid of this thing. I can't believe that Giles was friends with that clown.
 
Entry Eighteen
 
Dear Diary
 
Great his ugliness forced me to take that stupid aptitude test. I already have a career until Hell freezes over or I reach my expiration date. This is pointless so why should I be curious about what might have been when I know already. I'm the Slayer and unless someone offers to fill in for me I'm stuck with it. How rude that vampire was stealing from a grave. So much for resting in peace. It was nice to see Angel waiting for me in my room. It was amusing to see him holding Mr Gordo. Angel is so sweet he asked me to go iceskating. I haven't gone in ages and could use the break and time with Angel is always welcome.
 
Entry Nineteen
 
Dear Diary
 
That test must be defective. Police? I don't think so. Talk about the last thing I would want to do. Ok so I'm still a little cranky. Well it would be nice to have a normal life like I had before destiny stepped in and chose me to be the Slayer. Oh wonderful Giles mentions law enforcement too. Sure I'll be a cop by day and a Slayer by night. That would just be peachy. No thank you I'm not a uniform kind of gal and I certainly wouldn't want hat hair. So I'll put a check on my list of things that Buffy doesn't want to do.
 
Entry Twenty
 
Dear Diary
 
I was having a nice time skating even though I was a bit rust when this huge guy attacked me. Can't a girl skate without someone trying to kill her? I don't think that's too much to ask. I'm like a doctor that's always on duty but with more blood and gore. But I don't get the hefty paycheck. Actually I don't get any pay at all. You'd think the Watcher's Council would kick some cash my way. After all I do save the world and get rid of those pesky vampires and other demons. See I knew Career Week would be no fun. That poor guy Oz got shot but that was pretty brave of hime to take a bullet for Will. He'll be fine and I get the feeling he likes Will. He seems like a nice guy and he has a pulse which is a big plus. So there are two Slayers now which could come in handy if I want to take a vacation. My first impression of Kendra wasn't a very good one. I don't react well to waking up with a person standing above me trying to kill me. I guess she did have a good reason for assuming I was a vampire since she saw me with Angel. She's a stake first and ask questions later kind of girl. Well her helping me save Angel squared things between us so I'll forgive her for trying to kill me. It's a bit creepy to have another Slayer since it's a reminder that I was dead there for a second.
 
Entry Twenty-one
 
Dear Diary
 
I was right about Ted which came as such a relief. I wasn't too thrilled about the thought of kill a guy even him. A creepy robot guy and my Mom dated him. Just more proof that dating on the Hellmouth is Hell. At least Ted has been stopped permanently. No wonder everyone was so gaga over Ted what with his drugged food. So I was smart about not eating anything he made. I can't believe he read my diary. That is just something that should never be done like some kind of commandment.
 
Entry Twenty-two
 
Dear Diary
 
Who shops at a place called Everyday Woman? That is such a lame name. Oh goodie a vamp in the mall. I saved the girl but forgot to pick the dress up for Mom. Oopsie! Dam I really wanted that outfit too. What a refreshing change of pace to have the bloodsucker that introduces himself. He sounded like he was from Texas. An assignment for GIles to get the scoop on this Lyle Gortch guy.
 
Entry Twenty-three
 
Dear Diary
 
Me a single mother of my very own egg. I don't want to become my mom. Sure she's good as mom's go but I'm me and not her. I enjoyed my patrolling with Angel. Smoochies in the cemetary is always a good time. He is quite the kisser. I could just kiss him all night. It was pretty dead in the cemetary. Oh I came up with a name for my egg. I'll call him Eggbert. Ok it's not the most original name in the world but it's an egg.
 
Entry Twenty-four
 
Dear Diary
 
I for one will never look at eggs the same way ever again. I don't think I'll be eating any anytime soon. Eggbert hatched and this freaky creature came out. Good thing I killed mine since they controlled people's minds. That thing was ultra slimey but I killed it. It was really gross and that big creepy eye just staring. At least Mama Bezoar  got one of the Gortch brothers. Who would have thought Cordy could hit so hard with whatever she hit me with. I save everyone and yet my Mom is still pissed. I should at least not be grounded and a new outfit wouldn't be turned down. Another outfit totally ruined. Shouldn't I get a clothing allowance since I ruin so many outfits in the slayage gig. At lest I got around that whole being confined to my room. Smoochies with Angel at the window was a loophole in my groundage.
 
Entry Twenty-five
 
Dear Diary
 
I had the strangest dream not to mention disturbing. I got out of bed to get a glass of water and ended up at the Bronze. Angel was there but Dru came up behind him and staked him. I went over to see Angel to make sure he was ok. Kissing him made my brain turn off. All other thoughts escaped me. I shouldn't worry about Dru being alive since Angel wasn't worried so I won't either. I think I'm going to take that next step. I'm going to seize the day and act on my want since it's inevitable. He was into it when I made that silly remark about seeing him at bedtime. So I'm going for it and it looks like Willow is in crush mode. She can't wait for Xander to wake up and see what's right in front of him. Oz is a cutie and he did save her life so he gets my vote. I wonder how it went when she went over to him. Well I'm sure she'll fill me in on all the dish in our next gab sesson.
 
Entry Twenty-six
 
Dear Diary
 
That was creepy to see my Mom say the exact same thing as in my dream and her dropping the plate too. I'm thinking that it was as Giles would call it a portent so I'm thinking that Dru is alive. I can't let the part where she kills Angel come ture. It really wigged me out to see part of my dream come true. Giles is going to read up on Dru so I'm supposed to meet him later.
 
Entry Twenty-seven
 
Dear Diary
 
What a birthday! I guess it wouldn't be a Buffy part without some vamps getting in the way. We were having a moment on the dock when we were rudely interrupted. At least Angel didn't go away like he nearly did. Months without Angel wouldn't be good. But they got the arm and Big Blue has been activated. Good for Will for bringing Oz as her date to my surprise party. That was so sweet of them to do that. Wow me and Angel made love and he told me that he loved me. It was so beautiful and so much better than I ever imagined. It was strange that he wasn't there when I woke up. Maybe he had to run an errand or maybe pick up some blood. So there was good in last night and Angel gave me that beautiful ring. I love him so much. Sure we ended up in the sewers but that wasn't anything new since we're no stranger to them.
 
Entry Twenty-eight
 
Dear Diary
 
A werewolf is on the loose. Oh goodie me and Giles get to go hunting. That Larry is such an ass. I took great pleasure in flipping him over. So much for acting like a meek girlie girl. That just doesn't work for me. Xander is a strange one all jealous now that's Will's got a guy. What does he want her to do wait around for him? I wonder if Will is making progress in the smoocheis department. At least those nearest and dearest have social lives.
 
Entry Twenty-nine
 
Dear Diary
 
Bad and good news about Theresa. She wasn't killed by the werewolf  but she was killed by Angel. Talk abouut things coming back to bit you on the ass. One night of lovemaking and the guy I love is gone only to be replaced by an evil guy. Well men are evil. So the wolf turned out to be Oz. A person can't just have a normal relationship in this town. It'll certainly be a challenge if Will continues to see Oz. At least he didn't hurt any people though it was a close call with Will. Now he knows and can deal with it.
 
Entry Thirty
 
Dear Diary
 
Valentine's day which means it's pig out time. Giles told me to stay in so it must be pretty bad since he doesn't exactly give me the night off often if ever. He was a bad ass vamp in the day and apparently he enjoys this particular holiday. Judging by Giles it's not good. I don't know how it could be the same person. It's a total Jeckyl and Mr Hyde thing. I do feel bad for Giles though since he really cares about Jenny. It sucks that he's suffering because of my stupidity. Maybe I should talk to her and set aside my feelings because he'll never go to her. He deserves to be happy even if it's with her. Besides I'm fulfilling the unlucky in love quota. Well I should go to the store for goodies for the pigging out.
 
Entry Thirty-one
 
Dear Diary
 
Xander had Amy do a love spell but in typical Hellmouth fashion it backfired big time. What is Amy thinking considering what her mom did? You just don't play around with magic. I can't believe what I almost did but Xander stopped me. Because he did the right thing in not taking advantage of me I'll forgive him for his stupidity. After all Love makes you do the wacky. He is so in the doghouse with Will since she loves the guy. The poor girl but thanks to Giles all is back to normal. He's pretty good with the magic stuff. I'm so glad that I'm no longer a rat. I'm still craving cheese thought but that's nothing a pizza won't cure. So I'll let my fingers do the walking because I need fuel. I know what I'll do I'll invite Will and Xand over to help them make up. Xander did have good intentions I suppose but why Cordelia I'll never know. Talk about opposites that attract. Ok I guess I shouldn't say anything about that since I did fall in love with a vampire and I am the Slayer.
 
Entry Thirty-two
 
Dear Diary
 
Great Angel has an all access pass to my house. I hope Giles finds a spell to uninvite him. I'm really worried about Mom since she's totally in the dark and I can't tell her about the slaying. Oh sure that would work out well. I can just picture it. I sit her down and say those four little words. Sure if I told her I'd get my own padded room and have a brand new straight jacket to wear. I'll just tell her to be careful. Nice and vague and sane sounding. This is such a nightmare. I fall in love and all Hell breaks loose. I can't let this get to me since I had no idea that this would happen. The guy I was in love with is gone and I need to deal with that. I even have to deal with the idea that at some point I'll have to kill him.
 
Entry Thirty-three
 
Dear Diary
 
I can't believe it he killed her and oh god Giles. Just when they were working things out and Angel kills her. I know what I have to do. I have to kill Angel. I was angry at Jenny but she didn't deserve to die. In time I'm sure I would have been able to forgive her. I can't believe this is happening. Too bad this isn't a nightmare that I'm going to wake up from. Ireally have evil. I guess in a way I can understand what Jenny did. I was pissed because she didn't warn me. Maybe all this pain and suffering could have been avoided.
 
Entry Thirty-four
 
Dear Diary
 
That flu really knocked me on my ass. I really hate hospitals. They are dens of death. At least I got that ugly death guy that killed my cousin. So at least something good came out of my stay at that place. I'm still not a fan of hospitals. It's nice to get some TLC treatment from my Mom and just hanging out with my buds. I'm just glad to be out of that place. I could totally picture Will playing doctor with Xander. That's my Will and I wouldn't have her any other way.
 
Entry Thirty-five
 
Dear Diary
 
What a night first a cute guy asks me out and next another guy trys to kill his girlfriend. I've had it with the entire male species. No dating for Buffy ever again. How fun I entered the Twilight Zone during History class. Let's do the time warp again since it seemed to be in the past but that chalkboard incident was beyond strange not to mention the locker monster going after Xander well it was a really long arm that disappeared when I opened the locker again. I guess it's just another typical day living on the Hellmouth. Poor Giels thinking that Jenny is the boo. He is so desperate to contact her but I'm afraid he'll be disappointed not to mention hurt.
 
Entry Thirty-six
 
Dear Diary
 
That was too intense and pretty darn close to home. I suppose my own guilt over Jenny's death made me hate James when it was really me. My not feeling that I wasn't worthy of forgiveness got tangled into this mess. Me and James went through a similiar sitch so that must be why he picked me but too bad it was too late for the others that were killed. At least James can now rest in peace but the whole kissing Angel thing really threw me. For a second it was like nothing changed but the next it all came flooding back hitting me like a tong of bricks. I find it amazing that Grace was able to forgive him but I supoosed we all need to be forgiven and I'm no exception.
 
Entry Thirty-seven
 
Dear Diary
 
Cameron is such a dick. Ok I hit the guy in the nose but he deserved it attacking me like that. Synder is such a rodent. I'm made out to be the bad guy when he's the one that didn't know the meaning of no. What a baby  his nose isn't even broken. So a demon's on the loose eating humans. Yuck! No dating boys on any sport tears. Ok maybe I feel a little bad about what I said about Cameron since he was eaten after all. Oh great Angel paid a visit but at least Swim Boy Gage didn't get eaten. How odd that Angel spit out his blood. There must be something in it that's a big turnoff for vamps. Oh fun the Gage Watch continues.
 
Entry Thirty-eight
 
Dear Diary
 
The boys on the swim team are turning into seamonsters. Oh joy! Wow Xander in those speedos was quite a surprise. So I'll be going fishing with Giles. I wonder what the guys are taking. They have a wicked side effect. The things people do to win. That coach was beyond psycho but in the end he was taken care of by the boys that he turned. At least the remaining guys from the swim team will be all right. Well Karma paid him back in spades. Eaten by his own monster creations. I guess now they'll live out in the ocean with the other fishies.
 
Entry Thirty-nine
 
Dear Diary
 
I wish this past day was just a nightmare and that my alarm clock will start buzzing and I'll wake up with none of this badness that I'm engulfed in. I'm heading to LA. I just need to be alone right now and try to figure things out. I don't dare sleep since I know what my dreams will be about. Everytime I close my eyes I see it as though it's happening all over again. Well all of the gang are fine since I went to the school before I caught the bus. So typical of Will to be back in school so quickly. I'm just really glad that they're all right. I just can't face them right now. On a scale of one to ten the past 24 hours or so have been a 1000. Mom knows I'm the Slayer and because I had to leave she kicked me out. I didn't have a choice and I hated seeing that look on her face but I had to do it. Killing Angel had to be the hardest thing I've ever done and just after he got his soul back and was once again the man I loved. Will must have tried the spell again. I need to go to the bathroom before I burst into tears in this bus of strangers. I really don't like an audience. No one would notice but I do need some tissues. If only Calgon could take me away. I think that's the name of that bubble bath. Oh good the bathroom's clear.

bawed.jpg

1998-1999
 
Entry One
 
Dear Diary
 
I'm in LA working at a diner. I just need time to be away where no one knows me. I keep having dreams about Angel. It's almost like he's not really gone. For a moment it's good but reality sets in and it all comes flooding back. Here I'm anonymous and going by my middle name. It took quite an effort not to smack that guy when he smacked me on the ass. Men can be such pigs and then I run into that girl that recognized me. I remember that she was one of those vamp groupies. Maybe she won't figure out who I am since she just thought I looked familiar.
 
Entry Two
 
Dear Diary
 
Well Lily did recongnize me after all. Oh fun I got hit by a car pushing that guy out of the way. It was strange that he said I am no one and looked like he was not all there but this is LA after all. I bumped into some guy with fliers but I guess he had a point about what he was saying. This can be a lonely place if you're stuck on the streets. At least I have a place to stay. I do have the despair thing going for me but I'm doing the best I can.
 
Entry Three
 
Dear Diary
 
I decided to go home. Lily is taking over my job at that diner. At least now she'll have a place to stay. I can't run away from who I am and what I do. I went to a lovely Hell dimension and killed that creepy Ken demon. So much for my Ganhi impression. I wonder how things will go with Mom. I had to leave it's not like I had a choice and maybe over thiese past months she came to accept that I'm the Slayer. She was upset and things get said in the head of the moment. She must understand that I had to leave or the would would have gone straight to Hell in a literal sense.
 
Entry Four
 
Dear Diary
 
I'm home but things are a bit ackward. I wonder how long it'll take to get back to normal. So I'm back and I can't go to school. I actually want to go back to school. It would give me something to do during the day. So Mom decided to invite the gang over. I still don't get why she wants to use to company plates. I guess I'll get ready for tonight. I guess it'll be nice to have some time with my buds over for dinner. I wonder what we're going to eat.
 
Entry Five
 
Dear Diary
 
So much for a quiet dinner. It turned into a party and the dead crashed. Dirty laundry got aired in the living room which was a bit embarrassing. I even heard someone say that I just got out of rehab. I suppose that's better than the truth. That certainly wouldn't go over well. Sure I'll have it announced for all to hear. At least things are back to normal with Will. I so didn't enjoy getting the icy treatment. Wow she's really getting into the witchy thing big time.
 
Entry Six
 
Dear Diary
 
Oh great a new Slayer in town. Hasn't she heard of personal space? It's like I'm being stalked our single white femaled. Xander and Will are my friends and Giles is my Watcher. I'm not liking this girl at all. Just what I need a girl that pummels a vamp while I'm fighting off two. She is liking the whole violence thing way too much. She is not all there. Maybe Giles can help with the insane girl. She has no right to even mention Angel. Who does she thing she is? She knows nothing about this sitch at all.
She even was eying my not boyfriend. Hello get a life and stop trying to steal mine.
 
Entry Seven
 
Dear Diary
 
I totally wigged when Scott gave me that claudaugh ring. It was sweet of him but that just hit me like a ton of bricks. Maybe I was a little hard on Faith. She had a lot to deal with and she did come thorugh. We kind of bonded when we were fighting that Conquistos guy. We even had a pigout session afterwards. She does have a point about slaying making you hungry. I think I'll talk to Scott. Seize the day and all that.
 
Entry Eight
 
Dear Diary
 
Well that worked out well so now I have a date with Scott. It'll be nice to date a guy with a pulse and who is able to go out in the daylight. I'm going to take the ring Angel gave me to the mansion. I guess it's my way of letting go. He's gone and I have to accept it. I have the chance to have a normal relationship with a nice guy so I'm going to go for it.
 
Entry Nine
 
Dear Diary
 
My appointment with that counselor Pratt wasn't as bad as I thought. He was ok. I hope that Oz wasn't the killer. This is the Hellmouth full of tons of demon fun. Talk about a shocker. I'm out patrolling and I come across Angel. He was all wild like an animal and had no idea who I was. I chained him up at his place. There was like a scorch mark of his body in the spot that I put the ring. So I've decided to hit the books and try to figure out what happened and why he's back.
 
Entry Ten
 
Dear Diary
 
Yikes that was intense. It was same old same old fighting a bad guy and Angel just swoops in. He saved me and finally recognized me. I don't know what to do about this. He seems to be back to his old self. How am I going to break this news to the gang and especially to Giles. I'll just wait and see what happens. I don't think they'd understand and I'm not even sure if I get it myself. I wonder how and why he came back.
 
Entry Eleven
 
Dear Diary
 
I'm going to help Angel but I can't tell anyone he's back. Great I go dumped by Scott. I was hoping we'd go to the dance but my distracted self got me dumped. So much for my getting on with my life with a stable guy. Maybe a workout will help. Punching is always a good way to work out the frustrations. I think I've figured out what teacher to get that letter from that the troll wants. Damn his ugliness!
 
Entry Twelve
 
Dear Diary
 
Typical of Cordy to be totally self absorbed. I won't even have a crappy school picture in the yearbook. I'm gonna run for Prom Queen. I want to wipe that smug look of her face. Besides I look really cute in a tiara. I can use this to keep my mind off my lack of a social life. I'll be going to the dance with Faith. the tickets are bought so I may as well use them. Cordelia is such a bitch. I'll find a way to get Will to let me take a peek at the data base she made for her. I'll work the guilt angle to my advantage.
 
Entry Thirteen
 
Dear Diary
 
Oops I got busted. Well Giles and Mom have been smothering me all the time. Giles seemed a little odd when they ambushed me after walking in the door. I need some breathing room but instead he tells me not to freak out. It's not like I could say that I was with Angel who by the way has returned from Hell. I'm sure that would go over real well.
 
Entry Fourteen
 
Dear Diary
 
Oh great Mom gives me the car and some idiot crashes into me. On the plus side Synder wasn't such a troll. It was disturbing to see those adults enter teendom again. That is so wrong to use chocolate for evil. That had to be the scariest thing I've ever seen. Now I'm stuck paying for the damage which sucks. I'm just glad that this nightmare between Mom and Giles never went beyond killing. Ewwww! I did like that coat she was wearing. I'll remain blissfully ignorant regarding those handcuffs.
 
Entry Fifteen
 
Dear Diary
 
Well the cat's out of the bag. They all know about Angel. It's not like I planned to never tell them. Great Xander spying on me. Well it's out and it was going to come out eventually so I have to deal with it. I just hate that Giles was so hurt. I just didn't know how to tell him especially after what happened. I'm not liking this Post chick but she certainly put him in his place. Giles too American? Not! Faith got stuck with a lemon. Actually Giles seems way loose compared to her. Me and Angel kissed but it was a total accident. It just seems so natural but it can't ever happen again. This so sucks that I can never be with the one I love unless I want all Hell to break loose or I become a vampire which isn't happening. I was able to stop myself though.
 
Entry Sixteen
 
Dear Diary
 
So the Watcher was evil. Poor GIles got knocked out again. He really should wear a helmet. Well Willow's ok with Angel since he saved her life and all. He was in Hell for who knows how many hundreds of years and was tortured so doesn't that sort of balance things out. I guess not but he has suffered greatly for all that he's done. He has his soul back and it's going to stay that way. I can do this. I just need to keep telling myself that. We can be friends sure no problem at all. Another Wastcher is on the way to Faith and a real one this time. I now know that if it came down to a fight that I could totally take Faith if I had to.
 
Entry Seventeen
 
Dear Diary
 
I got my SAT scores back and it's 1430 which has everyone all happy and wanting me to leave. I guess it's good but I never really thought about college and all that kindo f stuff. Would I be the first Slayer to make it to college? It's not like I have to make the decision right this second. It would be nice to go to college I supposed but can I slay and do the school thing. Faith's around so maybe this isn't such a crazy idea. So it's a thought that could come through although I'm not liking this go away theme. I'll go talk to Angel and see what he thinks.
 
Entry Eighteen
 
Dear Diary
 
Well the verdict is in Angel wants me gone too. It hurt me when he said it although I know that wasn't his intent. They all have a point although my Mom has been driving me nuts with all college talk. It would be nice to have the college experience and since I've got the good score I may as well take advantage of it.
 
Entry Nineteen
 
Dear Diary
 
How strange that Spike of all people knew the truth. I can't believe that he saw what no one else saw and what I wanted to deny. I can't be friends with Angel since it would lead to badness and pain. Maybe if he has been able to say he didn't love me but I probably would have known that he was lying. It's crazy that a vampire was able to see what I was trying to hide. For some strange reason I wasn't able to fool Spike. What a bad sitch! All of my friends are all miserable. I'm glad that Cordy's going to be ok. Yikes I feel for the girl. She finds her boyfriend in a liplock with another girl and she loves him. Why couldn't the whole smooching thing   with Will and Xand happen before other people were involved. So now everyone's miserable or feeling guilty.
 
Entry Twenty
 
Dear Diary
 
I wonder what's up with Faith. I haven't seen her much lately. I'm kind of worried because she shouldn't be alone. Poor Will and Xand. It'll take time but they'll get through it. I think that Will's odds are better than Xand's. Of the two Oz strikes me more of the forgiving type. It was an extenuating sitch but it sounds like it would have eventually happened. Now Cordelia is more the type to hold a grudge. She's had a hard time so I'm a little torn because I feel bad for her too. So we are the trio of miserable in love.
 
Entry Twenty-one
 
Dear Diary
 
Just another fun night at the Bronze with a vamp to be slayed and Cordy landing in the garbage and having her friends turn up at that way bad moment. Nice friends she has there. She should look into getting some new friends that are actually human. So tonight was a total bust in the having of fun. If only Cordy had have moved out of the way in time. I think I'll call it a night.
 
Entry Twenty-two
 
Dear Diary
 
That was so weird. Angel just bailed and had a strange look on his face. It was almost like he'd seen a ghost or something. On the plus side I got all my shopping done. Tonight me and Mom are planning to get a tree. I'm so not going to go to Giles about Angel since it's a sore subject. It's still too hard for him after what happened. I don't want to bother him since it may be nothing. Vamps with insomnia could get the holiday blues just like the rest of us.
 
Entry Twenty-three
 
Dear Diary
 
Now that was bizarre. It was like I was doing a guest spot in Angel's dream. I think there's something wrong with him. As much as I don't like this I'm going to have to go to Giles. I have no choice now. It was so strange to see him in the past. We have to help him because he's so lost and probably wonders why he came back. I wonder why and how myself. He did land in the spot where I left the ring Angel gave me last year.  Maybe that has nothing to do with it but the ring is gone.
 
Entry Twenty-four
 
Dear Diary
 
I'm happy for Will since she has a second chance with Oz. Gotta love my buds for wanting to help and Giles too. The fact that Angel went to him just shows how very wrong things are. I wonder when this heat will end. Maybe Faith will turn up tonight. I know she said she had a party but I think she was lying. I had another dream with Angel. I hope we can find where these priest guys are. So the first evil whatever guys probably brought him back. Are they trying to make him go evil or something?
 
Entry Twenty-five
 
Dear Diary
 
That was a close call. When I saw him there waiting for the dawn just broke my heart. I guess the whole snowing thing was a sign that Angel wasn't meant to die. It was nice walking down Main St hand in hand with Angel. I guess someone is trying to tell us something. I just know that there is so much good that he can do. He can make amends for what he's done in the past. He has the time to do it and he has helped me and the gang to avert apacalypses. I think those first evil things wanted him evil because they knew he was going to fight evil and of course they don't want that. I'm just glad that it started snowing and most importantly no sun since he'd be dust. I don't even want to think about that. I'm not sure if I could handle his dying again. I'm just glad that it was a happy ending. A Christmas Miracle is what it was.
 
Entry Twenty-six
 
Dear Diary
 
So not a good night at all. If only the worst part was Mom showing up while I was out patrolling. I can't get the image of those poor kids out of my head. I have to get the monster that did this. Good thing I've got Giles to figure out what that symbol thing is. I hear Mom pacing so I'm going to go to her. This is going to be a very long night.
 
Entry Twenty-seven
 
Dear Diary
 
So much for a small gathering. How weird things are between Giles and Mom. I guess it's just residual strangeness from the candy incident. Great Willow's mom calls me Bunny. She's not much with the noticing. This didn't turn out good with the whole talk about Witches and Slayers. Slayers are the good guys and being a Witch doesn't make you evil. Trouble is brewing and Mom is strirring the pot.
 
Entry Twenty-eight
 
Dear Diary
 
Well I certainly don't reccomend burning at the stake. Oh the joy of having my Mom being behind this with her very own Hansel and Gretel. Moo could that be a lamer acronym. Thankfully Giles came in the nick of time and Cordy had the hose. Unfortunately me and Will weren't able to change Amy back. It's a good thing she didn't change us too or we'd all be sharing a cage fighting over who gets to use the wheel. That was one evil demon. Children the only thing that made people sit up and take notice but it went seriously bad. So the town has gone back into blind eye mode.
 
Entry Twenty-nine
 
Dear Diary
 
I can't wait till the ice show. It's dumb but I love it plus i get Dad time. It'll be nice after that freaky night I had. That was so odd not to mention scary how I was nearly stake with my own stake. I don't understand what happened. Everything was fine until I got all dizzy. That was no fun at all. Maybe Giles will be able to help me out. This is not good since I'm not feeling the whole Slayer strength thing.
 
Entry Thirty
 
Dear Diary
 
That was so beautiful what Angel said. It's kind of ironic that it was love at first sight for him and I didn't think much of him. How things have changed. Talk about being a moron not letting Angel walk me home. I was rescued by Cordelia today but no I told Angel that I could take care of myself. Moronic much! I can't believe that Giles stuck a needle in my arm. He knew all along. Thank god that my Mom is ok no thanks to him. That was too close of a call. Slaying and Mom's don't mix. They are supposed to be separate. I never realized my strength until this nightmare. Note to self no more birthdays. Sleep the day away to avoid the badness that seems to always come on my special day. I'm just glad that this is temporary. I don't do helpless well. Damn that stupid council who do they think they are? They have no idea what's going on here and that test which put my Mother in danger was so very wrong. I'm not too thrilled with Giles either but at least he came clean about the sitch and did come to help. I'm just glad that the Holy Water did the trick. Ding Dong the pyscho vampire is dead. So Giles has been fired. I really don't like that Traver's guy. That's nice to fire a guy because he cares about me.
 
Entry Thirty-one
 
Dear Diary
 
This isn't good another apocalypse. Oh the fun! So we'll do the research thing. I'm really wigged about this. I'm in the mood for donuts so I'll have Xander get some. It's best that Xander stays out of the way safe and sound. He could have gotten seriously hurt or dead by those culty chicks. They were pretty strong. Oh fun I guess I better head off to the library before I get scolded for shirking my duty.
 
Entry Thirty-two
 
Dear Diary
 
Well the world didn't end which is good and no major damage was done. Giles was absolutely amazing. I'm so glad that Angel's going to be ok but that's the benefits of being a vampire you have that extra healing power thing. He gave me quite a scare. Well we all came out alive. My arm hurts so no more talking.
 
Entry Thirty-three
 
Dear Diary
 
Oh joy a new Watcher arrives. The only word that comes to mind is total dork. Great Faith bails so I get stuck with going to the crypt for an amulet. What fun to hang out with dead people. Faith showed up and just had to go down the man hole. At least we ended up with the amulet. Faith may have had a point on the slaying thing. It was a rush. Bummer no studying of the chemistry. But I'll live having been deprived of that fun.
 
Entry Thirty-four
 
Dear Diary
 
Ok that was intense. I think Faith's a bad influence on me. Stealing and causing an accident. To much wacky fun for me. We are so not the law only of the creatures of the night and stuff. Sure there was a little excitement going on there but being a Slayer isn't for breaking the law even if it did add a thrill to things. I'm still not liking the new Watcher. I bet he would scream if he came face to face with a vampire.
 
Entry Thirty-five
 
Dear Diary
 
I can't believe it even though I saw it with my own eyes. Faith killed a man a total 100% human. Maybe my first instinct about her wasn't far off the mark. That Balthazar was way ugly and in serious need of exercise. Well he's fired although I don't know what the hell he was talking about someone rising. I wonder where Faith is. It has to be tearing her up inside with her having killed a guy if she has a conscience. I'm going to check on her tomorrow to see how she's doing. I bet dealing with this isn't covered in the Slayer's Handbook.
 
Entry Thirty-six
 
Dear Diary
 
That was disturbing. My visit to see Faith didn't go quite like I thought it would. She killed him and said she doesn't care. The scary thing is that I think she's serious. She also did seem to like the slaying a bit too much but that was demons not people. Even though I cried out to her she didn't stop. This can't be good and Wes just isn't manly enough for the job. Maybe I'll just ask Angel for his advice since he used to do the killing for kicks thing. I need a nap before I go out tonight.
 
Entry Thirty-seven
 
Dear Diary
 
I'm having nightmares about that guy so sleeping was out of the question. Color me stunned when I find my Mom watching the news that was talking about the boyd found. So much for the body being gone like Faith said and I'm the one haunted by it. What the hell am I going to do about this? I'm not going to Wesley for sure since I don't know the clown. No one to talk to about this nasty sitch. I think I'll try to get some sleep. I guess I could go to Giles since I trust him but I am going to sit on this for a while.
 
Entry Thirty-eight
 
Dear Diary
 
Great Wesley wants us to investigate this guy's murder. I want to help Faith but I have no clue how to do it since she doesn't want to tell him. Maybe I can convince her to do the right thing. I'm not sure if it'll work. This isn't good this whole keeping stuff locked up. I'm going to Giles if she doesn't smarten up. I'm tortured by this but I'm not so sure that she's feeling anything. It was like she was trying to blame me for the murder. She was the one with the stabbing even after I told her no. I do feel guilty but I didn't murder that man she did.
 
Entry Thirty-nine
 
Dear Diary
 
That's just great Faith trys to put the blame on me. Thank god Giles knew she was lying. So this has happened before with other Slayers. Well maybe she can be helped. It's possible that she's in shock. Xander slept with Faith! I certianly never saw that coming. Will seemed to take it well at least in front of us she did. It has to hurt even though she's with Oz sicne Xander was her first love. I think a piece of her heart will always belong to him.
 
Entry Forty
 
Dear Diary
 
Thank god Angel got there in time before Faith strangled poor Xander. God that boy has lousy taste in girls well except of course for me. The fact that Faith saved me shows that there is hope for her. I can't give up on her since I could have wound up like her. Although a part of me kind of doubts that since I don't get off on the slaying like she does way too much. I guess time will tell. Just wonderful Wesley made a bad sitch even worse. He really should go back to England since I'm getting the impression that he's a moron. Unfortunately I really doubt that he'll jump on a plane. So we're stuck with him. Who knows he might grow on me yeah like a fungus.
 
Entry Forty-one
 
Dear Diary
 
I hope Will's ok. She got a tad bit worked up when I called her reliable. Just having an off day maybe she'll feel better later. Tonight she'll be back to the Will I know and love. It probably didn't help that Synder is bullying her. I'd like to have a few rounds with that rat. It'll be nice to go to the Bronze for a little fun. I have more than earned that. I guess Faith is making an effort and since competition is healthy it's good that I want to beat her. I'm ahead of her in the running in the sanity department. Ok not to self try to be patient when it comes to F. She is trying so I'll just wait and see what happens. I hope I can get that tape of history class without sticking my foot in my mouth even further.
 
Entry Forty-two
 
Dear Diary
 
Now that was utterly bizarro. I'm just glad that Willow isn't dead. I can breathe again because that was horrible. So strange with two Willows but as different as night and day. I'm not sure if I could have staked her since she was Willow even though she really wasn't. Well we sent her back and Will is safe and sound. The scream is always a good signal. I just love it when I'm fighting side by side with Angel. Well the other Willow did help with the Percy sitch so we'll be going to out since those guilt coupons just blew away.
 
Entry Forty-three
 
Dear Diary
 
Well seeing that movie wasn't the best idea in the world. It is nice to do the smoochies but Faith interrupting wasn't so nice but a Slayer's job is never done. How nice a demon wanting to bargain. We need to get our hands on those books before the mayor gets them. It really irritates me when Faith mentions Angel since it's no business of hers. We're not exactly close and with all that's happened I'm not so sure we ever will. I guess time will tell.
 
Entry Forty-four
 
Dear Diary
 
Great Faith all snuggly with Angel. Whoever killed that demon sure had fun and one name came to mind. So much for change. I'm bneing paranoid at least I hope so. I just couldn't talk to him and chance having Faith see me. It was probably her but they do have a lot in common. I need to stop driving myself nuts.
 
Entry Forty-five

Dear Diary
 
Good thing Giles knew that creepy guy to fake Angel's losing his soul. I have to keep reminding myself that it was just an act. I know it wasn't real but when I asked him to do it I didn't realize how much it would affect me. I need a break from him and just spend some quality time with my buds. I'm going to go talk to him. What I need right now is to watch movies in Hindu with people singing into their phones. I have nothing to feel guilty about since I didn't kill that guy. I'm not a killer that would be Faith's territory. She likes killing now that she's gotten a taste for it. I guess some people are just wired that way. Ok that was creepy but Ted line or not it's true. I tried my best to help her and so did the others but she didn't want it. Sadly not everyone can be saved. I know that all too well but it doesn't ease the sting. Only in Sunnydale would we have the same mayor for a century. 
 
Entry Forty-six
 
Dear Diary
 
Those were some funky demons. Well at least I got one of those scabby demons. My hand is itchy for some reason. It was weird how they had no mouths. That is creepy. Hmm I think I'll have a snack. I wonder if Angel like pretending with Faith. She has that bad girl thing working for her. I wonder if he was tempted. Maybe some ice cream will help cure me and take my mind of this damn itch.
 
Entry Forty-seven
 
Dear Diary
 
I'm wigged about this demon aspect thing. No horns as of yet. I ran into Angel while I was out. Maybe he's right about the whole exaggeration thing. I still have my mouth and no case of the bumpies as of yet. I'll try to stay positive about this. The aspect may not be an actual part or it could be a total myth. I only touched it and nothing else. It's pretty hard to kill a demon without some touching involved. It helps that Angel said he loved me but he had to add the slime to it. Well I'll be a little less wigged if I wake up in the morning with no horns or tail or other ookie things.
 
Entry Forty-eight
 
Dear Diary
 
Cool my aspect turned up and it's mind reading. It was cool impressing the teacher and making Nancy all jealous in class. I think this is going to be fun but some of those boys are seriously disturbed. I have a slight headache. Giles isn't sure how long it will last so I'm thinking I'll see what Angel's thinking. Besides I don't need to go to History and anyway Will will tape it. I can always count on my brainy pal to provide the knowledge.
 
Entry Forty-nine
 
Dear Diary
 
A major disaster has been averted and I did help Jonathan. Turns out he was going to kill himself. It feels good to have helped him but I'm afraid he might want to ask me to the prom or something. I'm so glad that I'm alone in my brain since that was not fun although it was at first.
 
Entry Fifty
 
Dear Diary
 
Great Mom's in denial about the whole college thing. She's proud of me which is greath. It doesn't look good with Faith all evil and the Acension coming. If I can stop it why not go to college. I'm not just the Slayer. I got into UC Sunnydale so Northwestern is not likely but UC is close and I can do both. Why not? That was really bitchy of Cordy but not surprising since it's Cordy. I wonder if she has a clue about the impact her words have on a person. That hurt because like everyone else I want a future. Here's hoping we all have one.
 
Entry Fifty-one
 
Dear Diary
 
Well Will rocks since she came through in a big way. She stood up to Faith which is way impressive. That Mayor has no idea what he's talking about the stupid evil guy. Why are evil people always trying to spout off about my relationship with Angel. It'll be good to do the college thing with Will. She's right about this being the perfect place to become a bad ass Wicca. So this is a good I'll be college bound and have my best friend and be close to Angel which is all good. I just know we'll beat the Mayor. Hmm I found the perfect dress for the prom. This would probably be a good time to ask Mom to get me that dress.
 
Entry Fifty-two
 
Dear Diary
 
Prom is nearly here and we all have dates. Ok some dates are demons but that's beside the point. If the world ends at least we'll have Prom. I can't wait till Angel see's me in my dress. Angel will look so hot in a tux. I'm thinking he doesn't have a tux in his closet but that's easily taken care of.
 
Entry Fifty-three
 
Dear Diary
 
Well I saved the Prom and got a prize too. I also got a dance with Angl. Hot in the tux just like I thought. SoI got a couple of good High School moments after all. Those Hell hounds had foul breath. I guess eating brains won't leave a creature with minty fresh breath. I know that Angel is right to leave because it could never work. It's just that I wanted it to work somehow but I have to live in reality though I'd prefer Fantasyland. I'm going to hit the ice cream.
 
Entry Fifty-four
 
Dear Diary
 
I caught some quality sleeping which I more than earned. It's been a crazy time. Angel shot with a poisoned arrow and nearly dying. My knock down drag out with Faith who is now in a coma but she was a help in that dream I had. Making Anel snack on me so he wouldn't die was the only thing I could do. Just thinking about it makes me want to take a nap since it was so exhausting. Mom decided to pay Aunt Darlene a visit so she won't be back for a few days. I was so impressed with Giles going up and beyond the call of duty with Angel. There will always be that tension which I get but it just shows me what the people that love you will do. We made it through with some casualties but it could have been so much worse with all dead. It was cool to see the whole class pitching in to fight. It was really brave of them. So I guess the Mayor wasn't too fond of Snyder either since he made a snack of him. I wonder if Snyder wa human. As humans go he was bottom of the slime heap. I really shouldn't speak ill of the dead but he was such a troll and he always made my life that much tougher. The gang is stopping by with pizzas and vids. We so deserve some quality veg time. Well the world has been saved and I graduated so I deserve a break. I don't think everything has totally hit me yet. Angel left after he saw I was ok so he's gone for good. I'll need to schedule a girl's night with Will to drown my woes in yet more ice cream. I can't believe he's gone. Where? Knocking on my door which means food.
   
 
 
 

05freshmen_willbuff.jpg

1999-2000
 
Entry One
 
Dear Diary
 
College is upon me. Tommorow's a big day. At least I figured out my classes. Entering new territory and distance being five whole miles away. I'll have to do the whole hiding thing. At least I have Willow. Off to bed for some sleeping. I wonder when Xander will get back. I suppose I'll meet my roomate tomorrow. I hope she's nice. It kinda sucks that I couldn't room with Will but no such luck.
 
Entry Two
 
Dear Diary
 
Well my first day on campus didn't go as planned. It was a bit overwhelming with the size of the place and my mouth talking stupid words. I nearly killed a guy by dropping the entire stack of books on him. He was good about it but I babbled and came off like a total moron. I'll have to see which classes are open since I stupidly waited too long. I guess having them figured out in your head doesn't count for anything. But I've been busy so I'll have to see what I can come up with. Joy my new roommate likes Celine Dion. I guess we all have our little quirks. It'll be nice to do the sharing a room thing or not but I guess I should give her a chance before I say anything since I am not used to sharing a room with another person.
 
Entry Three
 
Dear Diary
 
First day of classes and I get yelled at by a mean teacher. I didn't want to take his stupid class anyway. Kathy snores which is such a treat. A bad day ended on a good note. I met a guy named Eddie and he seems like a nice guy and we have Psych together. Color me embarrassed when I thought he was talking about porn. There I learned something today that Of Human Bonage is a book. I bet it's even in that huge library that Giles would love. He would squeal with bookworm pride. Ok he wouldn't squeal but he'd be excited. Note to self don't mention Mr Pointy ever again to anyone. That was a close call. It's nice to know that there's someone else scrambling in the sea of confusion that is college life.
 
Entry Four
 
Dear Diary
 
That Sunday was one tough vamp. A good dose of Xander was just what I needed to get my head straight. I'm just glad that I got my stuff back. I wonder if I can fix my umbrella at least it was just the handle. It meant a lot to me to get that and I want to keep it. A nice reminder that High School didn't totally suck. Damn my arm hurts so I'm going to ice it.
 
Entry Five
 
Dear Diary
 
My roommate is driving me up the wall with that wretched music. I guess I'll just have to get used to having a roommate. I just wish she had better taste in music. Kathy seems nice but the same crappy CD of Cher over and over is wearing on me. Also it's not too much fun trying to sneak out to patrol and having Mini Mom of Momdonia turn up when I'm out looking for monsters to kill. I save her and she complains about her damn sweater. It was like a Cordelia moment without the venom and the good fashion sense. There is something seriously off about that girl. She measures her pencils after sharpening them to make sure they are all the same size. What is wrong with that girl? I'll head over to Giles so I can avoid her till she leaves for class.
 
Entry Six
 
Dear Diary
 
This girl continues to drive me nuts. She flosses in bed which is so gross and she closed the window. I wanted the window open. Does she think we're siamese twins or something? Who said she could eat lunch with me? She has her name written on the food just because I took some of her milk for my coffee. What is her deal? I wake up to her looking at me like I'm some kind of freak when it's her reflection she should be staring at. I had this creepy dream with a demon pouring blood down my throat. She even had my dream. She can't be human and she took my sweater. Of course she got ketchup onit. Hopefully Giles will find out what this dream business is about. It would be nice to get some sleep for a change. The computer that paired us us needs to be reprogrammed. A highlight was meeting Parker since he seemed nice and was really cute.
 
Entry Seven
 
Dear Diary
 
Just great I come back to my room and find Parker all cozy with Kathy. I snapped at him but that girl is driving me crazy. I had to put a lock on my closet door so she wouldn't go snooping around in my stuff. Has she ever heard of privacy? I did get to her by guzzling her precious milk. It was milk in coffee not the whole damn carton. I so need a new roommate. I need some sleep too. Some nice sleep without ookie dreams and a roommate that doesn't share my dreams and clothes. She needs to be locked up in a room far far away from me.
 
Entry Eight
 
Dear Diary
 
How gross she clips her nails in bed and of course turns that damn music on. It's like she exists to annoy the hell out of me. I had that damn dream again and I'm thinking my roomie is still sharing my dream. Hello it's my dream ok it's not the best one in the world but it's supposed to be in my brain not her's. I've come to the conclusion that Kathy is evil. She must die since her toenails grew after she clipped them. That is such a demon thing. I picked them off the floor while she was in the bathroom. I measured them so it's clear what I must do. I'll enjoy doing this since she's been driving me nuts. Once I've gotten rid of her I can get a nice human roommate that doesn't listen to that damn I Believe song over and over again.
 
Entry Nine
 
Dear Diary
 
I knew I was right about Kathy. So I'm vindicated. I can't believe they tied me up like I was some loon or something. The good news is that Kathy's gone and Will's moving in. She'll be spending the night with Oz since it's too late for moving and I could use the sleep and it will be nice to have a room to myself for one night. This should work out great cause I love Will and she has no irritating habits that will drive me nuts.
 
Entry Ten
 
Dear Diary
 
I've been spending a lot of time with Parker. He's a really nice guy and he has a reflection which is always a plus. Yaye he asked me to the party tomorrow night at Wolf House. I so need to figure out what I'm going to wear. The up side of Will being a roommate is my having her to give me advice on what to wear. So Harmony's a vampire now and she bit Will. I'm just glad that Will's ok. Who would date her? He must not get annoyed easily if there is an actual guy. Hmm how does Harmony manage without being able to see her reflection. I guess it happened at Graduation. Now that's a present you can't return.
 
Entry Eleven
 
Dear Diary
 
Why hasn't he called? I had such a great time at the party even with Spike and Harmony showing up. Now that's a match made in Hell. So Dru left him again and for a Fungus demon no less. I wonder when Parker will call. Maybe he's sick or something. It's just that I felt that we made a connection and we made love which means something. Maybe I'll see him on campus and get a chance to talk to him and find out if we could get together soon.
 
Entry Twelve
 
Dear Diary
 
I can't believe what a jerk Parker turned out to be. I thought he liked me and that it meant soemthing but no he used me. I was stupid to fall for his nice guy routine and should have been suspicious since he knew all the right things to say. I was so stupid. Kicking Spike's ass did help and I got the ring from him. Oz is going to take it to LA to give to Angel. It'll be in good hands. Why do guys turn evil after they sleep with me? He was sweet but it makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me. Will's right he is a Poop Head but still I want to know why he doesn't want me.
 
Entry Thirteen
 
Dear Diary
 
That was one hell of a party. The only good thing was the candy at Giles'. I didn't like the whole being stabbed and creature's in the basement attacking me. How strange that Anya ended up being a big help getting Giles. I guess she does care about Xand. That was the smallest demon I ever saw. It was my easiest kill since I just squished it like an annoying little bug that feeds on fear. At least he amused me. I certainly needed a laugh. Chocolate is a good problem solver. So bunnies scare Anya that's interesting.
 
Entry Fourteen
 
Dear Diary
 
I keep dreaming about Parker. I save his life from vampires and he begs for forgiveness. Why is my brain doing this to me? It just keeps going and getting better. That stupid Parker is totally a scumbug or maybe he really does like me and my dream is telling me that. Maybe Will's right but he could be sweet. He was getting pretty cozy with that girl in class. I'll go see Xand tonight so he can do his bartending thing. Maybe it'll take my mind off of him. Sure if I can turn my brain off. He could have intimacy issues.
 
Entry Fifteen
 
Dear Diary
 
I'm back from the land of evil beer that turned me into a Cave Slayer. That was interesting but I think the best part was bonking Parker on the head. I think it gave me some kind of closure. Sure I saved his life like I did in that dream I keep having. He thanked me and I bonked him on the head. What a time that must have been with knocking people on the head and the men dragging women off to their caves by the hair. I prefer the now since people for the most part are good with hygiene and harity with funky big teeth and a bumpy forehead isn't exactly a turn on for a girl. I won't be drinking beer again like ever. So Mom was right about beer being evil and so are men which is the conclusion I came to. That was a bit strange that Parker said the exact same thing as he did in that dream I keep having. I'm a new Buffy without obsessing over Mr Stinky.
 
Entry Sixteen
 
Dear Diary
 
Cool I did good on my paper and made Will jealous. I get to lead a discussion group but I don't think that's a very good prize. I never did get my celebratory cookie. Poor Will is worrying about Oz and that Veruca chick. She's a total slut and besides he's totally in love with Will since he is so not the type to cheat. She has nothing to worry about unlike me with my so called reward for academic achievement. Walsh is probably going to expect more of  the same which is so unfair. Maybe the bitch montster is popping out and this group thing is the beginning of more badness. Group discussions leading to more and more till she wants me to lead the class. I'm much more comfy being the part of the class that gets decent grades and goes unnoticed by the teacher.
 
Entry Seventeen
 
Dear Diary
 
Yikes! Can't anyone have a normal relationship? Oz strayed all right with Wolfie Veruca. Poor Will! What is she going to do? If only he'd never been bitten then this wouldn't be happening. That really scared me when she nearly got hit by that car. Thank god Riley was there to save her. At least that bitch is taken care of but it was a really close call. My focus will be on helping WIll through this with heaping helpings of chocolate and male bashing. I hate that this happened since they were such a solid couple. So me and my best friends are batting zero in the romance depart. Oh if only I could find a nice and normal guy that's 100%  human. They are out there or so I've been told. Running into that stupid soldier boy nearly got Will killed. I thought that was a Halloween costume. It breaks my heart to see her in so much pain. I'm not really sure how to help her.
 
Entry Eighteen
 
Dear Diary
 
Well so much for the party helping Will. Spike totally ruins my night off. That Riley is a peculiar one. First he could barely speak at the party and later he tries to make me leave when I was waiting for Spike. Who does he think he is trying to get me back to my room? I'm not some helpless girl. He is one strange guy. I'm just glad that Spike wasn't able to bite Will. I guess even vamps have trouble performing sometimes. That ws weird how those soldiers boys turned up. They were going to take Will. I wonder who they are and what they are up to.
 
Entry Nineteen
 
Dear Diary
 
Now where did I put Will's hairbrush? Well if I can't find it I'll just buy a new one. It's strange but at night I could swear that someone's watching me but I haven't seen anyone. I must be imaging things. People are always around campus so it's nothing to go wiggy over. Mom went to Aunt Darlene's for Thanksgiving. I want a turkey dinner. Maybe I could maek dinner and have the gang over. Xand will want to avoid his family and Will's mom isn't up with holidays. I want turkey and yams not to mention some pumpkin pie. There is nothing wrong with eating so why not.
 
Entry Twenty
 
Dear Diary
 
Shopping for stuff for dinner is a battle in itself. All that grabbing and pushing. I practically had to use some Slayers moves to get the last can of pie filling. I'm having the dinner over at Giles. I cook and he graciously cleans up after in thanks for a delicious meal. I invited Riley but he's off to Iowa and his family. He's a nice guy and I'm so grateful to him for saving Will. Well Anya is included with the dinner plans. She really seems to care about Xand so we should give her a chance though Will wasn't thrilled. She's human now and it takes time to adjust after being a demon for over a thousand years. That boy never attracts a regular girl but at least he has someone. The important thing is that he's happy. Will seems to be doing better.
 
Entry Twenty-one
 
Dear Diary
 
I can't believe that Angel didn't tell me he came back. I wouldn't have known if Xander hadn't spilled the beans. So since I'll be going to see my Dad I'll pop in for a visit. How bizarre that Cordy is working for him. I know he helped out and I'm glad he did since those spirits were tough. At least dinner came out pretty darn tasty. It just threw me for a loop how he was all stalker like. I know this is going to be quite a visit. Hello to the pain. It all comes flooding back with the bandaid ripped off just when I was getting my life together without him.
 
 Lost Entry Twenty-two
 
Dear Diary
 
I woke up and Angel wasn't around. He probably went out for more ice cream. Seeing Angel walk out in the daylight was a dream come true. This can work somehow. Maybe he can come back to Sunnydale now since he's just a normal guy now. It's not like he would be the first civillian tokill demons. Xander is a good example. He isn't too bad so Angel could do the same. He'd have to adjust to being human again but I know this could work. The important thing is that we can be together. Ok he should be back by now. I'm going to see if anyone's upstairs.
 
Entry Twenty-two
 
Dear Diary
 
That was a quick yet painful visit to see Angel. That was so strange that he knew how to kill that demon by crushing the stone in his forehead. Something doesn't seem quite right but I suppose having time on your hands could lead to some light reading about demons. It was so strange to see him even though it was only for a few minutes. I know this is for the best since we can never act on what we both want. Besides in Sunnydale my life isn't going so bad. There's even a guy that has potential a nice and normal guy that can go out in daylight. A part of my heart will always love Angel but I have to move on since it can't ever work. He's not going to wake up one morning with a heartbeat and the only other way would be to turn me into a vampire. Sure Willow could curse me with a soul but things wouldn't be all that different except for the blood thing which would be so gross.
 
Entry Twenty-three
 
Dear Diary
 
Riley asked me to go for a picnic. It's nice and such new territory for me. He's a way to escape the bad boy cyle. Well when a guy says you're beautiful and is so adorable as to practice is worth a shot. I'm used to the fighting and misery since that sparks the fire so I'm not sure if could be as intense with a nice guy. It is nice to be able to go out in daylight instead of hanging out in cemetaries with my guy. He does have nice arms so I'm going to take a chance. He is so the opposite of Stinky Parker. I even heard that Riley punched him which was so sweet. I wish I thought of that but on the up side I did hit him with that branch.
 
Entry Twenty-four
 
Dear Diary
 
I can't believe that I was engaged to Spike of all people or rather creatures. I did smooth things over with Riley with my cleverness. I'm finally over the bad boy thing so that is the up side of this mess. I can't believe I kissed Spke. I feel like I should disinfect my lips. Everything has settled back to normal and Will is working off her guilt. She is forgiven but I still want to see if there is a spell to make me forget. But forgetting may lead me to a bad boy and the badness that follows. Riley is so totally the opposite. I really like him and it's great to have a normal guy for a change. He actually overcame his shyness to talk to me. It was so cute that he asked Will for advice about me. Not the best time to do so but it was sweet. That has to be why he asked me if Will told me that he liked cheese. She said I liked chess so there's a common bond. Bound together in cheese. That sounds a lot different form what I meant not to mention a bit dirty. I'm just glad that things didn't go beyond kissing with that evil undead thing. Eeeewww! Now that would have been seriously scary.
 
Entry Twenty-five
 
Dear Diary
 
That was obviously the best class ever what with me sleeping through it. At least I didn't snore and went unnoticed by Walsh. Still no smooching with Riley. I hate having to lie to him but that's part of the job. I just want to tell him so I don't have to come up with lame excuses. Petroleum was real good. I'm just glad that he let it fly without a grill session. I like him and he likes me so we should do some smooching but I end up babbling. So Will's Witchy groupd isn't working out like she hoped which is too bad. I think it's helped out some since she is doing much better wanting her vicarious smoochies. That's a good sign I think. I wonder if  Giles will find out anything about that song I heard in my dream. It could mean something and it'll give Giles something to do. It can't be fun having Spike as his roomie. I can't imagine them hanging out on the couch him with his blood and Giles with a brandy chatting or watching TV.
 
Entry Twenty-six
 
Dear Diary
 
So me and Riley finally kissed. It only took the whole town going mute to accomplish it but it happened and it was great. I didn't want to leave him but I had to do the patrol thing. So many idiots out there and of the human variety this time which I suppose is a nice change of pace. Poor Xand having to Spike sit. I hope Giles figures out what's happening soon. It would be nice to hear Riley's voice or any voice for that matter besides the TV. So much for silence being golden. The lack of voices just makes everything that much louder. Actually it would be nice if some people just stayed mute. Spike does come to mind.
 
Entry Twenty-seven
 
Dear Diary
 
Well my secret's out and it looks like I'm not the only one with one. He certainly came in handy when I was fighting those creepy gentlement things. I can't believe Giles drew me so big. I'm not huge like that. Why not draw stick figures. So Riley's one of the commandoes. That was so gross when the heads exploded. I don't think I'll be going anywhere near mustard anytime soon. Eewww so don't want to be the one cleaning that up. We talked but it was a bit awkward at first. It's so strange that he never heard of the Slayer since we are sort of in the same line of work except I don't turn vamps into fluffy bunnies. I thought he was this normal guy but no so I'll have to think this through. That earhquake wasn't a good sign at all so I went to see Giles but he told me it was nothing to wrry about but I think he was wrong.
 
Entry Twenty-eight
 
Dear Diary
 
Percy is such a dick. If it weren't for Will that loser wouldn't have made it through High School let alone a cushy scholarship to college. I guess that ass kicking Will's double did didn't change him into an actual human. Sure Will is a total brain but she's no nerd. How dare he not realize the wily alure of my Willow. Yikes a dead guy at the party which just shows that it's a Buffy party. Oh I am so vindicated with being right about the world ending. Not that I want the world to end but it's good to be right and Giles to be wrong since that rarely happens. I ran into Riley at the cemetary and found out that his code name is Lilac. I can't be involved with Riley even though it'll hurt like hell to do it. So of course I run into Riley again with one of his many gadgets. I have to admit that he's very persistent. The good is that the world didn't end. Well Spike found out that he could hit demons and he even in his own way helped but he threw the demon down the hole. Now Will and Xand know that Riley's a commando. Riley and his many gadgets. That was a cool thing he had that I got hooked to so I could bring that demon up. I guess it wouldn't be such a bad thing to give him a shot. I should seize the day and just go for it.
 
Entry Twenty-nine
 
Dear Diary
 
Things are really going well with Riley. This is really nice to have a boyfriend that's normal. I wasn't thrilled to be interrupted in the middle of heavy smoochies but it was sweet of the gang to throw me a party. As far as birthdays go this was a good one so maybe the curse has been lifted but I'm not holding my breath since this could just be a fluke. Good and birthdays haven't gone hand in hand as of late. So Riley took  me to the head of Commando Central. It turns out that Professor Walsh is a big wig in the Initiative. It was  kind of exciting to see what it's all about. Riley was blown away by the number of vamps I've dusted. We sparred but I think I held back a little. It's nice he didn't go running off never to be seen again. Oops I could have sworn Giles knew about Riley. My bad. Will was out late since I didn't hear her come in. I thought that maybe she met someone but she was in the science lab. It'll be nice having a nice picnic with Riley since the last one didn't go off too well since Will was in a bad mood. I can't believe I didn't tell Giles. I guess I've been a bit neglecty with the whole wonder of Maggie and the best part being having a boyfriend so I'll tell him about the funky vibe that Will felt. I like love saying that and speaking of Riley. I should be heading out like now.
 
Entry Thirty
 
Dear Diary
 
Well that gave me quite a scare. I'm just glad that I didn't kill Giles. Good thing that letter open  wasn't made out of real silver. It was so annoying when Riley tried to tell me that I couldn't go with hm because Maggie gave that order when he talked to her. Hello this is my town and nobody orders me around especially when it comes to someone I love. Well it was good that Ethan was hauled off although I doubt that he can be rehabilitated. Fat chance that will happen. From now on I'll make sure that Giles isn't out of the loopy. Yeah Riley is so sweet and really likes me. He wants a rematch in a week. Giles is worried about the Intitiative. Since I'm in the loop there it won't hurt to take a peek. I do know that Riley's a good guy so I'll keep my eyes open just in case Giles is right. Ethan isn't the most reliable source since he worships Chaos.
 
Entry Thirty-one
 
Dear Diary
 
So Maggie is impressed with my skills. Riley told me that she was going on and on about me. This is so good right now especially the Riley part. I'm so going to punish him for sneaking that Twinkie at lunch. Now what kind of lunch is that? He will have to suffer the wrath of Buffy with major smoochies and other enjoyments. Speaking of which I need to go see Riley really soon. I pinched myself to make sure that this is real. A great guy and still wicked close to that wacky Hellmouth. It will be so exciting to go inside the Headquarters with my own security code.
 
Entry Thirty-two
 
Dear Diary
 
Now that was a nice change to wake up with the guy in bad and not have him go all evil. Riley's not much for asking questions. That's not necessarily a good thing. It's good to ask questions since you learn stuff when you do. So Will pulled off another all nighter. I wonder if she's seeing someone. She won't admit it but she could be and doesn't want to jinx it or something. I can totally get that. Well it looks like Ethan may be right what with Maggie trying to kill me. That is not a good sign. Instead of killing demons they experiment on them and who knows what. It is such a let down since I really respected and admired Maggie. This just proves that asking questions is a good thing. You just can't blindly go along like a good little boy or girl or soldier. So I guess I asked too many questions.
 
Entry Thirty-three
 
Dear Diary
 
Well we are all staying in Xander's basement. We should be safe here till we figure out what's going on. I don't think Riley had anything to do with Maggie offering me up as Monster Brunch. I'm just confused about this whole thing. Riley was supposed to be my boring boyfriend that I could hold hands with and go through a field of daisies. I really want him to not have had anything to do with Maggie's plan but I have to be alert to the possibility though I doubt it big time. Maybe he just obeys orders without questions which led to my nearly getting killed. It's going to be hard getting to sleep with the snoring and the sqeaking but I'm tired so hopefully sleep will be quick.
 
Entry Thirty-four
 
Dear Diary
 
I hope Riley's ok wherever he is. They just took him and wouldn't let me come along. That Forestt is such a dick. Does he understand the concept of love and being worried when that person is hurt? No wonder he was acting so strange with those drugs being pumped into him and his missing his daily dose. That Adam is going to be so hard to beat since he's so strong and smart. Oh great a monster made of demon parts with a touch of human for that added touch of intelligence. Now that's a recipe for disaster. You kill demons plain and simple. You don't create bigger and badder ones. Well Anya made herself quite clear regarding her feelings for Xand. She really cares about him. Color me stunned but if she makes him happy that's all that really matters.
 
Entry Thirty-five
 
Dear Diary
 
I am so glad that Riley's back and on the mend with no brainwashy chips. With him at my side we'll bring down Adam. We have to since this thing is evil in the extreme sense. Now that was disturbing to find that demon all strung up in that tree. I think I'll let Riley sleep a little while longer before we head over to Giles. It is so refreshing to be out of the basement. How does Xander stand it? I guess it's not as bad when you're living solo.
 
Entry Thirty-six
 
Dear Diary
 
That really sucked big time being stuck in Faith's body. The whole coma thing did nothing to change her homicidal state. I'm just glad to be back in my body. Now that was a total nightmare being strapped to a gurney and seeing myself but not me holding my Mom's hand. So that gadget must have been a little present from the Mayor. I had to take a really long soak in the tub after having that bitch in my body. I can't believe that Riley slept with her. How could he not know it wasn't me? Yes she was in my body but still it kinda hurts but I'll get past it since it wasn't really his fault. I'm just glad that Will's friend Tara figured out what was going on and made that glowy ball to switch us back. I'm just glad that I was able to escape the Watcher's Goon Squad. They aren't too smart those guys. Not to mention a pain in the ass since they were willing to let that one guy die even though I had no intention of killing him since I'm sane and me and not Faith.
 
Entry Thirty-seven
 
Dear Diary
 
Now that was totally bizarro. The memories are fading of that reality that Jonathan created. In a strange way I think it helped me deal with the whole Riley sitch. Things are looking up in that area. It's not like it was his fault but I'm only human so I felt betrayed on some level even though I guess I wasn't. I'm just glad that everything was changed backg to normal. Just a major lesson that if you mess with stuff that shouldn't be messed with has a price like with that creepy demon that came with that bizarro world. Well Riley was right about feeling taller even I did and I'm short. I'm sure me and Riley will get back on track. It'll just take some time and it's better now.
 
Entry Thirty-eight
 
Dear Diary
 
Now that was weird and creepy with a dose of extreme pleasure thrown in. Badness came out of such enjoyment. I guess this is one of those times when too much of a good thing is bad. I just couldn't help myself. I was so totally out of control and it wasn't horrible thought it wasn't pleasant for the others. From now on I am going to have a healthy balance between friends time and love time with Riley. Wow we could have been killed just by having too much sex. I guess as ways to go it wouldn't be so awful. Giles singing at the Expresso Pump? Now that I would have loved to see. Well I really need to work on that essay that's due Monday. A Slayer's work is never done including homework. Maybe I'll have Riley help me out for real this time since I could use some input. On second thought maybe that isn't such a good idea. I'm a bit sore still and I'm so glad that I heal fast so any aches should be gone in a day or so. I'm surprised we didn't rub ourselves raw.
 
Entry Thirty-nine
 
Dear Diary
 
Riley irritated me with the whole bigot bit. Demons are not always bad. I certainly couldn't mention Angel since he was all down on Oz being a werewolf. He's not evil and I think it's great that he figured out how to stop wolfing out. I put my foot in my mouth when Will told me about her and Tara. It was just a surprise but I'm glad that she told me. I just want her to be happy but unfortunately someone is going to get hurt when she does make up her mind on who she wants to be with. That's the bad part in sitch's like this. I so don't feel like doing the reading for class. Oh I'll procrastinate and leave it for later. I'll just have Will fill me in since she's always ahead on the reading.
 
Entry Forty
 
Dear Diary
 
I was a bit harsh about Riley. It's understandable since he wasn't here when this all went down from the start. He now realizes that everything isn't black and white. I'm glad that he wanted to help Oz. It looked like they put the poor guy through the wringer. I hope he's ok. It just sucks that someone is going to end up with a broken heart. I made the decision to tell Riley about Angel. I didn't go into graphic detail but I told him. I checked in with Giles so I'm now LA bound since Faith is there. I really owe the girl one.
 
Entry Forthy-one
 
Dear Diary
 
That was like a fist to the stomach to see Angel and Faith hugging and all cozy. Not exactly what I was expecting to find. The Goon Squad showed up again and irony of ironies I helped her. I'm still miffed over them trying to kill me. Color me surprised when I saw that she had turned herself in but I certainly didn't enjoy getting a lecture from Angel. I have every right to be pissed off at this chick and even hate her after all that she's done. Not everyone can change or even wants to although she did turn herself in so maybe there is hope for her after all. That really stunned me when Angel hit me. I can't believe he did that.
 
Entry Forty-two
 
Dear Diary
 
I go to LA and get home only to have things go all wrong. First the ex and current boyfriends get into it like total idiots.  Well it was nice of Angel to apologize. I was only thinking of my stuff and not his. Of course he wanted to try and save Faith. The fact that she turned herself in may just mean that she wants to change but I'm not holding my breath. Angel must have been reminded of the dark path he traveled so I shouldn't get mad even thought I don't have warm and fuzzy feelings towards her. I can't believe that Xander told Riley about Angel in detail. That didn't help but I think we're ok now. He thought I was leaving him for Angel which won't happen because we can never be together. Sure I'll always love Angel but I love Riley too and I have no plans of leaving him. That was a bad scene at Giles' place. I don't even understand why we all went off on each other really and it was so strange that Giles was drunk. Maybe we just need some time to cool down. I went to see Riley but he wasn't there. We'll eventually have to speak to each other and work things out. I just wish I didn't have to deal with the Adam sitch.
 
Entry Forty-three
 
Dear Diary
 
Now that was very intense. The fun never stops here even in our dreams where we all nearly got killed. After a nice shower I was able to go to sleep. That cheese guy was strange. I don't know what the hell he was doing in my dream. So that was the First Slayer. She's not up with the whole socializing thing or being clean either. I've never really thought about the first but she much have had it really rought. I guess she made me realize just how lucky I am to have family and friends. I'm just glad that we all worked things out. Stupid Spike driving a wedge between us although there was some ammunition. I've been so wrapped up in Riley that I've been neglecty with my friends. I'm just glad that Adam's gone even thought that spell had a nasty side effect it was worth it in the end.  
 
 

buffy_s5.jpg

2000-2001
 
Entry One
 
Dear Diary
 
Now that was intense. Wow Dracula Count Famous has heard of me. In a strange way I was flattered. I'm only human after all and I did fall under his thrall since he had those hypno eyes. He shouldn't bother us again. I must admit that it was a serious deja vu moment when he said the exact same thing that was said in that killer dream I had. I'm going to ask Giles to be my Watcher again since I have to know who I am and where I come from. He's the perfect person since he's Mr Knowledge. Besides I've been hunting and the things that Dracula said really go to me.
 
Entry Two
 
Dear Diary
 
Lately my little sis has been driving me nuts. I can't believe she invited Harmony in. She should so know better and ok I blew up but she of all people should know not to invite one of the fang gang in. I guess there was some residual annoyance from her messing with my training session. I'm really serious about this. I guess in a way I envy her since she gets to be a regular kid and I wasn't able to. It would be nice and at times it really gets to me when she doesn't seem to realize how good she has it. It was different with Mom since she was lonely and that Dracula was hard to resist with those hypno eyes of his. It was a good laugh hearing about Harmony and her minions. They were quite the challenge. The challenge being not laughing while I was staking them. Well it's cool that Giles bought the magic shop. It even has a room where I can train. I'm glad that Giles is doing something instead of the whole man of leisure thing. He's around books which makes him happy and he won't have to watch Passions with Spike. Now that's a funny picture. The two of them on the couch must have been quite a thing to see.
 
Entry Three
 
Dear Diary
 
Now that was strange to have two Xander's. I think Riley may have been channeling Maggie wanting to study the two Xand's. I must admit that I was curious about what it would be like to be split in two. It didn't sound too terrible but of course there turned out to be a downside. It would have been nice to have another me to do the slaying while I can play with Riley. But being split in two made one Xand super confident and the other so very not. So if Xand wasn't split I'd be all dead. That was such a close call with the one Xand with a gun. I'm so glad he got out of the basement and into a pretty apartment. Everybody gets a twin but me.
 
Entry Four
 
Dear Diary
 
I guess I'm doing good in the realm of academics since Will was really impressed. Of course she'll always be the major brain but it's nice to get the thumbs up. I just love the training area that Giles set up for me. I was a little worried about his getting the shop but it's been really good for him. Wow I'm turning into a school girl which isn't too terrible but I think I may hit brain overload if I continue at this pace. I'm leaving out the whole fun thing which is so very vital.
 
Entry Five
 
Dear Diary
 
That was such a close call. How typical that Spike nearly messed things up. I'm just relieved that he's still chips ahoy in his brain. It's a good thing that Harmony's so dumb since she thought the penny  was his chip. She gets the award for dumb blonde of the century. I'm just glad that I got Riley to the Doctor so he could fix him up. I've been so worried about him lately. Not that I'd admit it to her but that wasn't such a bad idea that Dawn had. I'm just glad that Mom wasn't alone when she passed out. She may drive me nuts at times but I love her and she made sure that Mom got to the hospital and found out about Riley's condition. I know he wouldn't have told me and could have ended up dead. Damn those people for experimenting on my boyfriend. I hope we figure out what's wrong with Mom. The stupid doctors don't know and I'm really worried.
 
Entry Six
 
Dear Diary
 
I'm really worried about Mom. The doctors still don't know what's wrong with her. That spell that Anya mentioned was revealing just not in the way I thought it would be. There was nothing around Mom to indicate someone working the bad mojo on her. I wanted something that I could fight but it looks like this is strictly medical which leaves me helpless. I am stunned to know that Dawn isn't really my sister but she is at the same time. I love her and I will protect her. This is so strange since all these memories are there but she wasn't. That blonde chick was really tought and she gave me one serious ass kicking.
 
Entry Seven
 
Dear Diary
 
I decided to move back home since Mom's still sick and I want to be close to Dawn. I've decided not to tell anyone except for Giles about her. It would be too weird for them. That demon chick was quite a fighter and we have no clue about who she is. I wonder what's up with Riley. He like pulled back when I told him that I didn't want the government involved. Hello they did experiments on him so it's strange that he'd suggest it. It's best to involve as few people as possible especially since we don't know what we're dealing with. Well that was a fun glimpse into the kind of family you don't want. I was mad when I found out that Tara cast a spell that nearly got us killed but I totally get it now so she's totally forgiven. That poor girl was led to believe that she was a demon and on her 20th birthday she goes all demony or whatever. Well she won't be bothered by them again. Strange how it was Spike that revealed the truth about Tara. I never thought I'd say this but I'm glad he was around to do the punchy thing. I went to Bloomies and got that cute sweater but I did find a skirt that I think Tara will like. I don't know her that well yet but she reminds me alittle of Will in the early days when she was so shy. I'm just glad that things turned out so well. That would have broken Will's heart if Tara was forced to leave. They are such an adorable couple. It's nice that me and my bestest buds are all happily in love. A night at the Bronze is just what the doctor ordered. I need to get ready.
 
Entry Eight
 
Dear Diary
 
It's been one hell of a couple of days. First I get staked with my own stake which hurt like hell. It's very handy to have a boyfriend with medical knowledge. I didn't want Mom to know and worry about me with her sitch. She's going to spend the night in the hospital. I'm really scared about this. So to keep my mind occupied over worried over Mom I decided to find Spike and have him tell me how he killed those two Slayers. I don't understand why I don't just dust him. So I get home and Mom tells me that she's going to the hospital and everything just went crashing down. I went outside for a cry and Spike shows up. Now that was serioulsy strange and oddly comforting at the same time. Just another strange occurence in the life of Buffy.
 
Entry Nine
 
Dear Diary
 
That was such a close call with Dawn. Glory almost found out the truth when she made that tattletale snakey monster. It did feel good to pound on it and kill it since I can't do a damn thing about my Mom. I was hoping that there would be a spell or soemthing to cure her but no such luck. I'm just glad that Glory didn't hurt anyone when she stopped by the shop. We still have no idea what she is and I can't focus on this with Mom being sick and having to take care of Dawn. I'll probably have to tell the others soon since they need and deserve to know. I'm glad that Dawn was finally able to fall asleep. I should probably try too but maybe I'll take a bubble bath first and try to relax. It sounds like this shadoww thing was found early so the doctor should be able to fix her up good as new. I just don't like this helpless feeling and not being able to do anything. Calgon take me away.
 
Entry Ten
 
Dear Diary
 
I am so relieved that Mom's going to be all right. That is such a load off. I thought I was going to lose it big time. It was scary to see Mom acting all crazy. She knows the truth about Dawn and she feels the same as I do. The number one priority is to protect her and figure out who Glory is. Tonight me and Riley are going to have a romantic night so Dawn is hanging out with Xand and Anya. I may even attempt to do some studying before Riley comes over. I got some wigs to bring to Mom tomorrow. I plan on spending the whole day with her. I'm glad Riley's bringing food since I'm not in the mood to cook and I don't think there is anything edible lying around anyway.
 
Entry Eleven
 
Dear Diary
 
Well it's over between me and Riley. He took off in the helicopter with the military. Apparently he didn't hear me yelling at him unless he prentended not to. I have the worst luck with the weaker sex. I'm just going to focus on Mom and protecting Dawn. It's not like I have a social life and it certainly isn't the first time or the last well it could be the last since I am thinking about swearing off men. I could become a nun but I'm not sure I'd like having to wear a habit thingie. I need to focus on things that I can control and stop thinking about him. I was such an idiot for not seeing what was going on. He might even come back and we'll have a chance to work things out. The bugs may drive him back since he is going to the jungle.
 
Entry Twelve
 
Dear Diary
 
I did run into a nun in the midst of slaying. She was nice and let me try on her wimple. I didn't even know it was called a wimple. So I learned something and I do so don't want to do the nun thing. I like clothes way too much and I think it would be tricky to patrol in a nun outfit. I'd have unlimited access to holy water. I'm just glad that I have school which is something else to keep my mind off stuff I must keep my mind off. It was nice to see Mom in actual clothes instead of that robe. We set it on fire in the backyard and went shopping. Going to the mall is always a good thing and there was a sale which was even better.
 
Entry Thirteen
 
Dear Diary
 
A bad day turned even worse. I won't be speaking up in that class again. I tried to bring up a different viewpoint on the whole Rasputin thing and the teacher mocked me. Hello open your mind this is the Hellmouth this town is on. Behold the wonder of close minded people. It's not impossible for Rasputin to be a vampire. I so wanted to rewind walking into the magic shop where I found the Council lying in wait. So I'm stuck jumping through hoops since they are threatening Giles. I really don't like those guys. They come in and shut the shop down adn threaten to deport Giles. I really wanted to hit that Travers guy but I didn't since he's pretty old. I wonder if they'll help. They are so damn annoying and I so don't need this right now.
 
Entry Fourteen
 
Dear Diary
 
Now that was pretty scary. I'm glad I heal fast since it's not fun being hit with a cross bolt. I guess that's why vampires get so grumpy. We all sat down and talked. I found out that Dawn heard what I said and wigged before hearing everything I said. It'll take time since this is a lot to take in but I'm pretty sure she knows that she's loved and part of the family. That was pretty cool how Will teleported the Hell bitch.
 
Entry Fifteen
 
Dear Diary
 
I'm so glad for Cliff Notes since I sort of didn't read The Hunchback. I'll have Will tell me what it's about so I have a chance at a D maybe. I'm hoping the Cliff Notes helps out. I wonder who this Cliff guy is anyway. It's a short book but I just haven't been able to focus with all that's been going on. Dawn has a crush on Spike! EEWW! and Double EWWW to have my little sister tell me that Spike's in love with me isn't something one ever wants to hear ever. That is just too disturbing for words. Why would she want that whole conversation was some kind of bizarro dream except I was awake for it. In the morning before class I'll check out the train slaughter. At least it isn't Glory. I wonder where my blue sweater is.
 
Entry Sixteen
 
Dear Diary
 
I can't believe that Mom is really gone. I've been thinking that in order for me to be a good Slayer I have to lose my humanity. I wasn't really there for Riley like I should have been. No wonder he left. This Quest thingie that Giles had me go on was confusing. It was nice to hear that I'm full of love but that thing about death being my gift made no sense at all. So the first part is good at least. I am so disgusted by Spike and his robot. It wasn't even a good copy. I can't believe it fool everyone else. He didnt' get a dusty ending since he did protect Dawn. But he doesn't get that thing back. Wow I was stunned that Spike actually cares about me. That was utterly amazing. I never thought I'd feel gratitude to one of the fang gang. I still don't know what I'm going to do about Glory. I bet the other Slayers never had to deal with a Hell God. Gee I guess I'm a special one.
 
Entry Seventeen
 
Dear Diary
 
I had to drop all of my classes. I need to focus on taking care of Dawn. That has to be my one and only priority right now and I certainly couldn't concentrat on the school thing and maybe I'll go back. If I'm able to take down this Hell bitch. I really wish Mom was around since I so need her right now. I'm so not cut out to be a real grown up and being like a Mom to Dawn. I love her but it's hard. I wodner what this conference is about. Well I'll find out later when I go see her principal. At least this one isn't a nasty little troll.
 
Entry Eighteen
 
Dear Diary
 
Well this hasn't been good at all. Everyone is totally miserable and guilt is running rampant. It's like a guilt fest. Poor Dawn feels responsible for everything bad that has happened and Will feels guilty as do I. Why is Spike always Mr Insightful when it comes to matters of the heart. I should have left Will alone even though she seemed to be calmed down. I was thinking logically when I should have been thinking with my heart. Of course you'd go after someone that hurt the one you love. Will wanted to be alone after what happened and I am sure she won't go after Glory again. She did do some damage which is more than I've been able to do. I think she'll be key in the showdown. But I don't know if I can do it and I wonder if I should just do nothing. It might be easier. I'd mourn and move on. I know that I won't do that but I thought about it at the magic shop.  

buffys6.jpg

2001-2002
 
Entry One
 
Dear Diary
 
I haven't written in here in a while what with being dead and all. Things are getting a little better I guess. Why did I tell Spike that I was in Heaven? A moment of not thinking and it just slipped out of my mouth. I can't tell the others since they thought I was in Hell. This is Hell but I'm back and life goes on again. So much for getting a loan. I can't even escape demons at the bank. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I'll figure that out after I go see Angel. I was dead for three months so I can't expect things to just fall into place right away since it's bound to take time.
 
Entry Two
 
Dear Diary
 
I decided to try the whole school thing but it went very bad. I felt really stupid and as a bonus time went all wonky. Then there was exploding lint and time went back to normal. Next I tried construction but demons came and melted. So I got fired. Those idiots wouldn't even admit that I saved them. They suck. Next I spent a hellish time at the Magic Box. Everything kept repeating over and over. The gang is trying to figure out what's going on. Like I need someone messing with my life when it's already messed up. I think I'll go see Spike. I don't know why maybe it's the dead thing in common or that he seems to pop up when I am utterly miserable.
 
Entry Three
 
Dear Diary
 
It turns out that Xander summoned that demon. At least the Halloween sale at the Magic shop didn't go all repeato on me. The stupid vamps were all out and that was supposed to be the night they stay in. Well my secret just popped out so now everyone knows. Stupid singing that makes you blurt things out. At least the singing is over but not before me and Spike kissed. That had to be the stupid spell. I am happy for Xander and Anya. At least they'll be happily married soon so that's maybe a sign of hope for me to one day have that too.
 
Entry Four
 
Dear Diary
 
I can't believe that Giles left. I need him more than I ever had and he bails. I came to the Bronze and found a so depressing song that fit my mood perfectly. Once again Spike showed up and I ended up kissing him again. Why do I keep doing that? I just need to avoid him so that doesn't happen again. Death must have made my brain go all wonky. I was upset about Giles leave and wasn't thinking. My brain obviously shut off. Tara and Will broke up so now there's only one happy couple. So the house isn't a place full of that happy thinkg. I'm not sure how I feel about the truth popping out. I guess in a way I'm relieved but Will must feel horribly guilty even though she had no way of knowing. She thought I was suffering so did it out of love. So I can't really blame her for that. It's just really hard to get back into the swing of things. I geuss I'll have to be patient until that day when I really feel like I'm living instead of just going through the motions.
 
Entry Five
 
Dear Diary
 
I must be out of my mind. I slept with Spike and Oh God I enjoyed it. I was out all night and we brought down the building literally. I have to stay away from him. It turns out that I wasn't the only one that pulled an all nighter. Willow was out with Amy. Well Tara was there with Dawn so all is well I suppose. Will finally was able to switch Amy back so she's a girl again and I'm glad that Will has someone to hang with since she's all depressed over the whole Tara thing. I'll just stick to my guns and avoid Spike since he's bad for me. Maybe I did come back wrong in my brain anyway since Spike can hurt me. It's not like I can talk to anyone about this since it's too disturbing for words. I can just picture the looks on their faces if I was to reveal my dirty little secret. It just happened and it won't happen again. It was a fluke when I temporarily lost my mind.
 
Entry Six
 
Dear Diary
 
Everything went kablooey big time. How stupid of me not to notice that Will was drowing. I was too involved with myself to notice my best friend was suffering. She has a serious problem. I'm just glad that Dawn wasn't killed. This is going to be such a long night. I had to go to Spike to help find Dawn but nothing happened between us which is a good. It was an emergency and I had no other choice. Dawn is sleeping and Will is trying to sleep. It's going to be hard but she admitted that she needed help which is a good sign. Too bad there isn't rehab for magick users. I decided to give my room a new look with a bunch of garlic to keep the unwanted creatures out.
 
Entry Seven
 
Dear Diary
 
It was kinda fun being invisible. I needed a change so I got my hair cut. Why did I go to him again and do what we did. I must be crazy or something. Being invisible helped with driving Doris nuts. I don't think she'll be bugging me anytime soon. So I'll be ready the next time a social worker pays a visit. It's not like I could say that I'm recently back from the dead and haven't quite go back into the swing of things. So the dorks made a guy that makes people invisible. These are the morons that have been messing with me. When I heard that I was going to turn to mush if that gun wasn't used on me to turn me visible again I actually got scared. I made it through another day and Will did too magick free. I guess things are getting a little better since I don't want to die. Ooh scary I have three dorks that are a pain in my ass.
 
Entry Eight
 
Dear Diary
 
I got a job at the Doublemeat Palace. Not the greatest place but I need the cash and this was the best I could do. The place is creepy and the people are all spacey. I think something's going on since people keep disappearing. I made it through my first day but Spike had to show up. He's dead so why show up at a place that serves food? How did he know where to find me anyway? That video was a bit too much and oh joy I had to eat one of those Medley burgers. No one will tell me what the secret ingredient is. I should know what it is since I work here and will be eating them every day for lunch.
 
Entry Nine
 
Dear Diary
 
The fun continued and I got stuck pulling a double shift and as an added bonus I got fired. I found a finger in the meat grinder. It may be Gary's. Oh great now I have a funky smell from working at that place. I'm glad taht my theory about burgers of people was off since Xander scarfed it down in seconds. It turns out that Wig lad was having some people to go with her pie and coffee. No wonder she wore a wig with that snakey thing coming out of the top of her head. Thanks to Will I now know what the secret ingredient is. I could use that as leverage to get my job back. It's worth a try. Aahh again with Spike and the thing that I shouldn't be doing with him.
 
Entry Ten
 
Dear Diary
 
Yaye I got my crappy job back. I still haven't got Spike out of my system. I wonder if there's a patch for this. I acutally had a conversation with him which was so strange. He called me an animal which I'm not. I'm going to call Tara and have her check into the spell since I need to find out what's wrong with me. There has to be some explanation for what I'm doing. It's like I can't help myself and part of me likes it and the other part feels dirty. There has to be something wrong since this makes no sense at all. Maybe I should just stake him and be done with it.
 
Entry Eleven
 
Dear Diary
 
Well I kept up my tradition when it comes to my birthday. We all got stuck in the house because of a vengeance demon and Dawn making a wish. So to make things worse there was a demon trapped in the house and that poor guy got the pointy end of the sword. I also get the great news that my little sis is a klepto. I am proud of Will for not caving into temptation. I need to spend more time with Dawn. All these things happening around me and I'm like the clueless wonder. I just need to try harder but they are really working me at the Doublemeat and since I need the cash I continue to wear a cow hat.
 
Entry Twelve
 
Dear Diary
 
Oh great now I'm even a turnoff to vamps that usually want to kill me. Also it's not good to have that jingle in my head. Maybe wearing earplugs would help. Everyone at that place wants to turn me into a lifer. Well I'm stuck there and school is out since I was rejected so the fun just keeps coming. Riley swoops in and he saw me in my dorky uniform with my cow hat. He's married which threw me. I didn't tell him that I just didn't let him leave. For him anyway it turned out to be for the best. I'm glad he's happy and Sam's a great girl. In a way it was a wake up call when Riley came across me with Spike. Now that was a hideous moment. I'm determined to end things since it's killing me. Besides it's not fair to him since I don't even like him and he really has feelings for me that I could never in a million years return.
 
Entry Thirteen
 
Dear Diary
 
Well the light at the end of the tunnel just had a major blackout. What was supposed to be a happy day turned into a nightmare. No wedding and everyone is miserable. Those two were my hope and now it's all blown to hell. I hurt for the both of them. I hope Xander's ok. If they couldn't make it then what hope is there for me? I haven't exactly had the best of luck in the guy department. I've been screwing a vampire but no more. I have to pull myself together and focus on Dawn. She returned the stuff she stole and we'll pay for the rest. I need to do better since I'm like the parent now but I'm not doing that great of a job but I vow to do better.
 
Entry Fourteen
 
Dear Diary
 
I hope to never see one of those waxy demons again. I almost killed all of the people that I love. Those kinds of demons really should have a warning lable about being poked. Thank god no major damage was done. It was just so strange since the longer I was under the influence of that poison I began to see the stuff that wasn't really real as more real than what was really real. I started to think that I never left that clinic. I mean most people would think I was totally insane if they heard about the things that have happened in good old Sunnydale. It was nice to see Mom since I really miss her. Well all is back to normal but I have to make things up to Dawn since I really hurt her when I said she wasn't real and she wasn't in my other world.
 
Entry Fifteen
 
Dear Diary
 
Great I'm being spied on by the Nerds. Seeing Spike and Anya hurt. I'm not sure why since I don't even love him or even really like him for that matter. I got in some sis time. I think I went overboard with the whole breakfast thing. We can only go in the pet store since pretty much all of the stores are off limits for now. Like everything it'll just take time. At least I haven't had to work double shifts lately. That look on Xander's face was why I didn't tell anyone but now my secret's out. When will things get good? It would be nice to be happy for a change along with those that I care about.
 
Entry Sixteen
 
Dear Diary
 
Well I went to see Xander and it didn't go too well. It'll be good to go out on patrol and do some slaying. It'll help work out some of my many frustrations. At least Will and Tara are back together which is great. At least there's one couple that's happy. Damn it my jacket was ruined yet another piece of clothing ruined in the line of duty. I should really get a clothing allowance at least for everything that I do. Is that really too much to ask? So I get to smell funny and do the slaying at night.
 
Entry Seventeen
 
Dear Diary
 
Everything is really bad around here. Will totally lost it when Tara was killed. That was brutal since they had just gotten back together but the happiness didn't last long. Will went seriously scary and all veiny. She was running on pure fury and came pretty damn close to ending the world. I just couldn't believe that the evil was one of my best friends. It was so great to see Giles. I really should have called him sooner since this whole thing could have been avoided maybe. But Will was doing so good that I thought everything was going to be fine. At least I didn't have a long hospital stay since Will took the bullet out of me with her scary new powers that she sucked up from the books at the store. Giles is taking Willow to England to see if he can help her along with that Coven that gave him those powers to use. How cool that he teleported all the way from England. I hope he can since I want my friend back. I am now officially up with the living thing instead of just enduring it. I guess being near death can help put things into perspective. I am going to work on my relationship with Dawn. No more unobservey me. I want to live my life and watch my little sis grow up. I can teach her so much. I'm even thinking about taking her out one night to patrol. She did pretty well with those dirt things. She may as well know what to do since I can't always be there to protect her.
 
 

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2002-2003
 
Entry One
 
Dear Diary
 
I've stopped being so overprotective of Dawn or at least I'm geting there. I can't hide her from the world so I'm going to show it to her. Unlike me she has a choice and she's made it. I am so proud of the way she handled herself in the crypt against those dirt monsters. She was pretty good with that sword. It's a fresh start for us but it's too bad that it nearly took the world ending for me to wake up. I guess being close to death made me open my eyes and realize that I want to live. It was a slow summer so I spent a lot of time with Dawn. I've even finally agreed to take her out for a slaying lesson. I am wigged about Sunnydale High reopening since Dawn will be going there. I am glad that Xander is the one involved in the consturction so I'll be able to get plans to the place. So he'll be there if Dawn needs him. I'm going to look around the first day at least to make sure things are safe. I bought Dawn a cell phone in case she needs to get in touch with me. I must say that I was pretty impressed with Xander since he saved the world just by talking. Giles took Willow to England to help her. I wonder if she'll ever come back and be the way she was. Tara's familly didn't even come to her funeral. I guess that shouldn't be a surprise sicne they seemed to be horrible people. Giles was a big help in making the arrangements and he even paid for it before he left. I've switched rooms even though it was a bit odd at first. But I've made the room my own. It is strange to only have Dawm around although Xander pops by all the time. Maybe I'll see if I can get back into school. I do want to see if I can finish someday but who knows when that will happen since I'm at Doublemeat with those wonky hours. I don't want to be a lifer there. Five years from now I don't want to be pointing at my badge talking about being manager to a new employee. That would be so beyond pathetic. Speaking of I need to get ready for work.
 
Entry Two
 
Dear Diary
 
I'm not sure about that principal but in his favor he did offer me a job. So now I have a legitimate reason for being at school not that that would have stopped me. I was able to work things out with Doublemeat so the hours won't clash. So now we'll have a little more cash coming in which is a good thing. So Dawn didn't do too bad last night. That vamp was really sluggish not to mention lame. He couldn't even get out of his grave without help. I guess vamps will turn anyone. Behold the weirdness! Something funky did happen at the school. Dead people that go solid and disappear. That was clever of Dawn to put those bricks in that bag to use as a weapon. I so didn't expect to find Spike in the basement. Now that was odd but he did tell me about the talisman. So casualties were avoided. I just didn't like being called Dawn's mom. I'm not that much older than her. So the first day of school went ok and Dawn met that girl and boy so she's already making pals. Her first period class probably thinks I'm insane but she'll do fine. I wasn't Miss Popular but I had two of the best friends a girl could have. Oh I guess I'll go call Giles and find out what's going on.
 
Entry Three
 
Dear Diary
 
So I had my first day on the job and Dawn of course laid down some rules. Aren't I a cool big sis? I don't drool and I dress well. I guess it's because this will be the place where she starts figuring herself out and of course boys will be entering the picture. Anya's granting wishes left and right but we managed to get worm guy back to just a guy. Now that was a huge worm or whatever she called it. He'll be ok but Xander's potential date is dead in the water. She won't be calling him like ever since she couldn't get away fast enough. I guess she wasn't weird enough to deal with the likes of us. So she obviously isn't worthy of him. Spike has been acting so strange so I went to him. He somehow got his soul back. I don't know what to make of this. I just freaked and left when he started hanging onto that cross in the church. I was in tears even. I don't know how I feel about this especially since he attacted me. So I guess I'm being pulled in two different directions regarding how I feel about him. Giles called to tell me that Willow will be coming back. He said that she's doing good but that she'd be better off coming home now even though she didn't finish that thing she was doing. It will be strange to see her but I want to since I've missed her. All of her stuff is in my old room. I guess we'll all be a little on edge when she gets back into the swing of things.
 
Entry Four
 
Dear Diary
 
We went to the airport but there was no sign of Willow. I wonder if she went bad again. Giles said she got on the plane but we hung around and no Willow. Xander even made a sign with yellow crayon. I am kinda worried. I hope she hasn't gone evil again. I really don't need that right now with all the weirdness going on. The strange hellish basement and a crazy vampire. Maybe she needs some time alone before she faces us. It's got to be weird for her to see us after everything that's happened. Maybe I was wrong about the principal being evil. I'll keep my eyes peeled just in case. They can't all be evil and he's a improvement over Synder. But of course an actual rat would be an improvement.
 
Entry Five
 
Dear Diary
 
Now that was a close call. It turns out that Will was back the whole time. She was so wigged about seeing us that that's exactly what happened. She thought it and it just happened. Good thing Anya was around since that gnarl was eating her. Now that was gross. Dawn is really getting into Scooby mode with the research thing. The thought did cross my mind that Will did the flaying but she didn't. That is such a relief since I didn't want to be right. Wow she was able to grow skin and I helped. I wonder if it works in reverse. It's really good to have her back since I've really missed her. We'll just take it slow but so far so good.
 
Entry Six
 
Dear Diary
 
I finally started seeing students and it didn't go too badly. I was worried but I didn't do too bad. Sure some guys came under false pretenses but that one girl Cassie sticks out. She was right about my shirt. So maybe she is psychic. We dug around but came up with nothing. We did find a website with her poetry which is on the dark side. The father was a good suspect but it didn't pan out. I'm really worried about her so I had Dawn go to her. There isn't much time but it was nice to get a heads up for a change.
 
Entry Seven
 
Dear Diary
 
I can't help but feel like I failed Cassie since she died anyway. Some kids summoned a demon which was beyond stupid. I'm glad it bit that little dick before it went poof. It turned out that she had some heart condition. It's just so sad because she was such a special person. This job can really suck at times. It makes me wonder if it's even worth the effort. It's just so sad that her life just stopped before she even had a chance to live. We're all going to her funeral. I may not have known her long but she really touched me.
 
Entry Eight
 
Dear Diary
 
I really hate it when I'm faced with the possibility of killing someone I care about. I mean I knew that there was always the chance I might have to kill Anya especially after she went back to being a demon. Sure over the years she has become a good friend so that idea kinda crept into a dark corner of my mind but it never really left. When she went all demony again I just knew that this day would very likely come. I'm just glad that I didn't have to go through with it. I'm gonna go check on her since I'm worried about her. She wanted to sacrifice herself but her oldest friend was taken instead. So she's totally human again and must be in such pain. I could imagine how she feels sort of. 
 
Entry Nine
 
Dear Diary
 
Just what I don't want to see my sister going all crazy over a guy she doesn't even know. She totally shredded my cheerleading outfit. I'm thinking she may have helped that guy down the stairs but I can't be a 100% sure. She was being a total slut at the Bronze all over that guy and she totally lied to me. I should talk to that guy since he totally uses girls and I don't want poor Dawnie to get hurt.
 
Entry Ten
 
Dear Diary
 
That was bizarror. I can't believe what I almost did. I almost had sex with him and I was all set to kill the principal and he hasn't even shown any signs of being evil yet. The eyes are open but so far so good. What a hellish night and Dawnie nearly killed herself with a train. That was one powerful jacket working that mind control thing. I had no control at all. I was consumed by this guy as we all were. I'm just glad that we were all stopped before we went through what we were going to do for love. That was totally insane. No dying of anyone which is always a good thing.
 
Entry Eleven
 
Dear Diary
 
Now that was quite a night. Analzyed by a vampire and to be told that Spike sired him. That was the last thing I expected to hear. I have to have proof since I won't and can't believe that this is true unless Spike is the best actor ever. I mean he got his soul back and he has that chip in his head so it's impossible. I so don't need this right now. Oh great the house was trashed yet again so it was Xander and his tools to the rescue yet again. I know I staked a real vampire so I'm baffled but I have to find out one way or another since I may have to kill Spike. I'm not even sure how I feel about that since I'm  not sure that I can. I mean I could since I've done it before but I don't know what I think since this makes no sense. Can't a Slayer just slay and go home without trouble brewing up every ten seconds. Spike is different and I just know that something is going on but what I have no idea. Just my luck to have my head shrunk by Holden the vamp shrink. We'll just have to keep an eye on Spike just in case.
 
Entry Twelve
 
Dear Diary
 
I'm not sure what to think. I didn't actually catch him but he looked like he was on the prowl. I really need proof about this one. He seemed to be telling the truth and he's right about it not making sense since he went off to get his soul back. I think that's what gets to me the fact that he got it back and did it for me. So I want it not to be true but it could be since it isn't such a crazy thought. Maybe the chip stopped working and he's putting on an Oscar performance but I have to be sure. I'm so not jealous of him going out and doing whatever just as long as he's not killing. It's not a good sign that he's not remembering his nights out. Can a vampire have a blackout? I guess they can since that's what's been going on. Until we know Spike can't be alone. I keep having dreams about girls being killed. I think it could mean something. I wish Giles was here. It's been impossible to get in tough with his so I left yet another message.
 
Entry Thirteen
 
Dear Diary
 
I think that went pretty well. Those girls have to realize that it's not gonna be pretty and there's a good chance we won't all make it. I so want to get that uber vamp. That thing kicked my ass good. I'm like a walking bruise and I seem to be healing slower. I guess it's because it's all supercharged. Well I'm getting that thing because I long for a good slay and having the big ugly turn to dust will give me a happy big time. Giles is off gathering up the potentials. It's kind of strange and nice at the same time. Of course it's like majorly weird because it's a reminder of my expiration date but that's part of the job. So now I know what those nightmares are about. So many deaths but death is a part of life and I'm gonna do my best to keep the death count down well for the good side anyway. I'm thinking a bubble bath would be good right about now.
 
Entry Fourteen
 
Dear Diary
 
Well that went well. The Chaka Kahn is dust and I rescued Spike. He kept mumbling to himself  but he's gonna be ok I think. He kept saying, "She believes in me." I'm really proud of him since it had to be pretty helllish for him to be held captive by the First. It's a good thing he heals fast since he was pretty sliced up. It's so strange to see this change in him. He has the potential to be a really good man. He has a lot to make up for of course but he's on the right tract and he has much less than Angel does what with the extra carnage Angelus did with him being older and all. What is it with me and bad boys and bad boys that are over a century older? Well I guess it's a bad time to think about the dating front not like there's ever really a good time around here. Can't a girl fight evil and have a little fun?
 
Entry Fifteen
 
Dear Diary
 
I think I'm getting the hang of teaching the newbies. I'm no Watcher but who better than the Slayer to guide them. We have to be ready to fight. I'm wondering about the principal though. He was in the basement with a shovel after all. It's amazing how many links appear when you do a search for evil. I need to be more discreete since Wood caught me but I covered ok I covered lamely but I don't think he suspects anything. Ok he may think I'm strange but that's ok. It was true what he said about evil thought. It's just that it can't be ignored and it's best to have your eyes open instead of burying your head in the sand. So another newbie has been added and another has been lost. Every time someone comes in the house someone should touch them just in case since we had that unwanted houseguest hanging around for days.
 
Entry Sixteen
 
Dear Diary
 
What a day this has been. I'm just glad that Spike's doing good. I decided to have his chip removed. I just couldn't bear to see him suffer like that. It's a good thing that that flower shop or whatever got in touch in Riley. I don't know what I would have done if he hadn't come through. Will's back to being Willow and she's getting cozy with Kennedy. Why not since the world could end at any time so why not sneak in some smoochies. It's a relief to know that Giles is Giles. There was a scare but he can be touched. That is a place that I don't want to go to since I still need him and he's family.
 
Entry Seventeen
 
Dear Diary
 
That was quite a date. I wasn't sure about the principal's motives but was quite surprised to find out that he's the son of a Slayer. That just blew me away and gave me a little hope. Maybe in the future I could be married and maybe even have some kids. Of course slaying a few vamps made the evening complete. Xander struck out big time since he was stabbed and almost used to summon one of those uber vamps. I think Giles needs a woman since he's been all antidate even though the thought of that is kinda gross. We all need some down time. He's worried about Spike but he's being silly. I just want Spike to have a chance to make up for what he's done in the past. It's not like there's a future with us. That's just ridiculous. Sure I need him but in a strictly platonic way.
 
Entry Eighteen
 
Dear Diary
 
I think I may have made a mistake when those shadow guys offered me power. I guess I was afraid of becoming less human. It's just so frustrating and with Chloe's senseless death I just sort of lost it and went off on everyone. I guess it's because I feel like my hands are tied and all these deaths that I couldn't stop. I just didn't want to lose my humanity since who knows what it would do to me. I know that I'm supposed to protect these girls but I'm not sure how. I'm doing the best I can and I probably should have taken the power that was offered for their sakes and for the others. But on the other hand who knows if it would have made a difference since this fight is against something that has no form. Well it's too late now so we'll find a way somehow. I think I'll talk to Giles about this when he gets back. I could use a handbook right now so I could find out what to do since I want to save as many of the girls as I can so the Slayer line continues. I don't want to be the last one. I want it to continue until no more demons walk the earth. But what the shadow guy showed me just sent a chill thorugh me. Hundreds of hundreds of those uber vamps ready to break free but when I don't know.
 
Entry Nineteen
 
Dear Diary
 
Now that was a close call. I can't believe that Giles kept me occupied so Robin could kill Spike. He talks about making difficult decisions and comes off as a total hypocrite. I know that I'll be faced with difficult circumstances but we need Spike for this fight. He is my best fighter and he did offer to leave town but I need him. I'm the one that didn't want him to go. Spike is a different man now not the monster that killed Robin's mother. The important thing is the mission so all of us needs to put aside vendetta's because the fight ahead is what we need to focus on. I'm the one that has seen first hand the changes in Spike. Giles hasn't been around to see what I've seen. I was serious when I said that I'd allow Spike to kill Robin. Things have changed now and I now realize that people are expendable even though I really hate it. If a person's death will save the world so be it. I don't like it of course but it's the whole greater good thing. Better a few people die to save everyone in the world than having the whole world going straight to hell. This is what I have to do even though I so hate it. It's not like I want anyone to die but it's gonna happen.